The Life of an Imperfect Pagan

My Shenanigans with InvokingtheBalance

2012-03-03T19:11:00.000-08:00

Here is the first of 3 videos. Yes, we are strange.

The Pagan Blog Project: E is for Elated with Egypt

2012-03-02T11:03:00.000-08:00

Screen shot from "The 10 Commandments." To this day it is
still one of my favorite movies. Oh...and Charlton Heston as
Moses? Hototototot.

One topic that has been coming up over and over again in my life is: Egypt! I have always loved Egypt. When I was younger I used to watch our local PBS station and soak in everything NOVA had to say about Egypt. I would fantasize about living in Egypt. I wanted to be just like Neferteri in the movie: The 10 Commandments. I wanted to dress like that, worship those gods, walk in the halls and live that wonderfully romantic and moderately biblical drama.

ENTER REALITY

In reality, I am still in love with Egypt. I am intrigued by the mythology. I am perplexed by the methods used to create this gorgeous empire and of course have my own fantasies and theories as to how and why the Ancients did what they did. With that said you would think my house is decked out in Egyptian items, pictures and altars. I should be worshiping Anubis or Isis. Since I also adore cats, maybe I should be obsessed with Ba-stet. I'm not. I know that doesn't sound like a crisis but to me I find it odd. If I have such a connection to Egypt then why am I not connecting with the deities? It bothers me for sure. I haven't been able to connect to the Kemetic way of practice. I also have an issue with worshiping Egyptian deities in a non-Egyptian way. I'm not exactly sure why I feel that way.

The Goddess Ma'at

Sometimes I describe the Egyptian deities as "too local." I feel like they were meant for Egypt and do not translate well outside of that geographic area. I don't know why I say this about Egyptian deities and not others. One thought that has crossed my mind is: I have a strong feeling I lived in Egypt at some point during the ancient periods. I was told by a psychic when I was 17 I "helped build it." She said I was an architect. Now, what I built I have no idea. I'm pretty certain it was NOT the pyramids but who knows? I was talking to a friend recently and she suggested since I was an architect maybe that is why I love to LOOK at Egypt but not really experience it. That sounds like a possibility. I want to meditate on this until I'm able to find answers.

In the mean time there are many deities I want to experience and research. This list includes: Ma'at, Ra, Amun, Sekhmet, and Hathor. I am particularly interested in Ma'at. I've been so intrigued by her I thought about getting her feather tattooed on my lower left forearm. However, I have made terrible tattoo choices in the past and need to think it through some more. Not to mention, tattooing something on your body is essentially invoking it. Invoking true balance and truth into my life sounds like a good idea but it might not be so fun when it is put into practice. I'll have to approach Ma'at with caution.

Overall... my obsession with Egypt will never go away. Perhaps I'm not meant to be a devotee of the deities. Maybe I've been there, done that. Maybe it's time for me to be with other deities. I might write more about Egypt next week. Maybe not. We shall see. I don't STRESS over this topic but it does cross my mind from time to time. It will be interesting to see how I proceed.

Weird Energies: Culmination?

2012-02-27T12:55:00.000-08:00

If you follow me on YouTube and saw the video shown above: Weird Energies or read my blog entitled: D is for Dizzy Dark Moon, you'll know I've been feeling incredibly weird the past week and a half. I've been feeling anxious. I've felt like I should be somewhere I'm not. I felt as if I was forgetting something or expecting something I couldn't remember. It's been weird because these feelings are not my feelings. I am picking up on a general energy.

Today in Chardon, Ohio there was a school shooting. 5 students were injured and one passed away into spirit. The student that came to school with a gun was apprehended and is now in custody.

For those of you that do not know, I live in Ohio. I teach in schools. Although I was not in Chardon this is shaking me up. The weirdest part is: I no longer feel strange (as it stands now). I am feeling quite normal. This morning I woke up and my "weirdness" and anxiety were back and it was super strange because I knew the feelings I was experiencing were not mine. I felt like something was going to happen, or I wasn't ready for something. It was an overall feeling of: What's going to happen??

Maybe this was the event my feelings were leading up to? Maybe this was the build up I felt. To me, this is a pretty big deal. I don't know how national this news is going to be but I feel like it will effect a lot of people. For me it's sad, it's scary and it makes me angry all at the same time. I feel so much for the students and their families. I feel so sad for them and my heart aches for them. I also (as strange as it may sound) feel for the kid that shot everyone. Kids like these are mentally ill. These kids are depressed, Bi-polar and possibly suicidal. They need someone to talk to. They need programs to help them know where they can go so things like this don't happen. This was a COMPLETELY preventable event.

I just wanted to write a preliminary blog about these feelings and the possible culmination of my feelings. The fact that they've ceased is strange.

The Pagan Blog Project: D is for Dizzy Dark Moon

2012-02-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

Is it just me or was the energy surrounding the dark moon this week REALLY strange? I've been feeling like I just need to chill and I've been feeling like I'm in a tornado of energy. I feel like it's just swirling around (and it makes me dizzy!) For me, the energy got really weird on the day of the dark moon (Tuesday the 21st). I believe the moon moved into Pieces that day. Then Wednesday (the last day of the dark moon) caught me off guard. I had a very uneasy day. Here's what happened in an overly dramatic (yet accurate) depiction of what happened:

I get in my car to go to work. I drive down the neighborhood roads when it hits me: I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE!!! So I turn around, go home and try to find my phone. I can't find it anywhere! I know that sounds like it's not a big deal but I am regrettably addicted to my phone and I don't like not having it. Instead of being late, I decide to leave. On my way to the school I will be teaching in for the day, I notice my phone is sitting on the seat next to me in the car. I had a major derp moment.

I get to the school, thinking: Whew! What an unnecessary frantic start to the day. I pull in the same time our intern is parking so I gather my things, open my door press 'lock' on my keys and place them in my purse then step outside the car to put on my shawl because it's a windy morning. BANG! (it was more like a silent thud) my door shuts. I turn around to open my door and in an instant realize I had locked it and now all the materials I need for my presentation are inaccessible. My thought at that moment was something like: $&#*@*$!#%!!!!

My car. Her name is Rosemary :)

I ended up calling my mother who is a police officer and while I went in to the school, panicking about not having a PowerPoint or the tests and other papers I needed, the intern and my mother broke into my car (after an hours worth of hard work and ingenuity). There was minimal damage to my car but it definitely looks like someone tried to break in. I ended up giving two presentations sans-PowerPoint and did surprisingly well! The kids paid attention and the information was presented.

I believe deeply that, had it not been for my hematite, I would have had an anxiety attack. Thankfully my hematite was located (somewhere) in my bra and kept me from spazzing out. Hematite has truly been my savior these past few weeks. It keeps me so grounded it's almost a bad thing. However, when I'm experiencing high levels on anxiety it's the perfect balance to keep me from losing my shit.

My plans for the dark moon were simple: Preform a simple ritual honoring Hecate. I didn't do it (at least not within the span of the dark moon). All I've done recently is veg out. I wanted to watch some TV shows, play some Skyrim and just chill. I'm not bummed about that. The dark moon is also about taking a bit of a break so that's how I celebrated this time. This month the dark moon was weird and I wasn't feeling good about the energies. Sometimes things just don't flow the way you want them to and that's okay.

Did anyone else feel this way or was it just me? The energies were not BAD they were just uneasy and strange. I think Pieces had something to do with it. Who knows...

The Pagan Blog Project: D is for Dedication Don'ts

2012-02-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

A dedication to something is a very powerful thing. Once you dedicate, you need to keep that promise or fulfill the dedication. I found out the hard way that even if you don't knowingly fulfill a dedication it will still pan out, despite your best efforts. For example:

Last Imbolc I decided to dedicate myself to a year and a day of shadow work. I was going to dive into my shadow self and confront it. I did this because my mentor (not knowing this book was the 3rd in a series of co-dependent books) had suggested the book and the author, Christopher Penczak. I read the beginning, skimmed the book and decided to go for it. On Imbolc, I preformed the dedication ritual.

After preforming the ritual I soon found out that this book is the 3rd in a series of books. So, I put this book on the Shelf and decided to start at the beginning with The Inner Temple of Witchcraft (ITOW). In August of 2011 I dedicated myself to the ITOW and am currently in the middle of my year and a day study. The year passed, as years usually do. I've had my high points and my low points but I've really learned a lot about myself and had to confront a lot of shit. The other day, I was thinking about my year and remembered my ritual last Imbolc. Holy Shit! When looking at my year in review... I DID end up diving into my shadow self and confronting it. (By confronting it I mean looking at it and saying: Mmm hmm. I see...). I did not follow Christopher Penczaks book. I did not truly confront my shadow self or travel into the shadow realms BUT my shadows were stirred up because I dedicated myself to that path for a year. Regardless of if I participated in the exercises or even read the book, shit was going to get real (and it did).

My point is this: Be careful what you dedicate yourself to. Don't do it on a whim. If you dedicate yourself be prepared to be taken on that journey whether you go willingly or not. If you dedicate yourself to a god or goddess and then change your mind later, don't be surprised when they keep showing up/won't go away. Do not make promises you can't keep.

Your Head is About to Explode

2012-02-16T12:30:00.000-08:00

Imagine a world where Jesus (of the Christ family) never existed (historically or as a religious myth).

*insert head explosion here*

While my blog maid cleans up that mess... let's think about this. Now, there is no way I could predict what would have happened if Jesus never existed. I can however talk about what would NOT have happened. Just think about the impact ONE MAN (real or imagined) had on the world. It blows my f-ing mind! I feel like I'm having an acid trip or something. I can't say if the non-existence of Jesus would be a good or bad thing. On the surface it seems like it would be pretty sweet but who knows what could have or would have taken the place of Jesus or even the effects of Jesus.

Here is a list of the things that I think would have been different:

1. No Christianity or any of its affiliates: Can you even imagine a world without Christianity? It's impact is almost as big as bitch slap in the face from a 6'5 300lb Drag Queen in 6'' heels! What are some of the things that would be greatly different if Christianity was never formed?

No Westboro Baptist Church, No Evangelical Christians, No Jesus Camp, No Catholic Church etc

Jonathan Rhys Meyers as
Henry VIII Hototototototot

No Catholic Church also means Henry VIII would not have existed OR if he did physically exist, his rule would be boring and not have any effect on the world AND the show The Tudors would not exist (and that sucks ) Lol

Eddie Izzard would probably have gone into the Army instead of Comedy because his current material would have never existed.
Homosexuals would most likely never have had to endure the pain, suffering and humiliation they've suffered at the hand of religions like Christianity and Islam and the government (largely influenced by religion)

2. Possible Continuation of the Roman Empire:

New and Improved Roman Legion

Roman history would be quite different. We might not know who emperor Nero was, Constantine wouldn't have been remembered for much because he's the one that finally organized Christianity. The Roman Empire itself might not have fallen (or at least been around for a hell of a lot longer).
If the Roman Empire was around longer who knows what other religions might have or have not prevailed?
Perhaps the continuation of the Roman Empire would have made the organization of other empires never happen. Think of all the wars that wouldn't have happened! Think of all the wars that would have taken their place. What would we have been fighting over or against?
Would the Roman Gods have prevailed? Would they have died out? Would they have gone global like Christianity did? Would it stay local?

3. Islam would have never formed:

Does this shock anyone? The very reason Islam came into existence is because Christianity got God's message all wrong. They took the message of a prophet and glorified him as a god. Muhammad received the word that this was wrong and corrected it: Enter Islam. If Christianity never happened and Jesus was never glorified as a god there would be no need to correct what was going on. God would have probably continued to send messages to his chosen people, the Jews and their religion would have expanded

Btw... if Jesus never existed would that mean Judaism would take over? Or would it have stayed a widely local and ethnic thing (like it is anyway).

If Islam and Christianity never formed, the Crusades would have never happened
The Ottoman Empire most likely would not have existed
In the modern day the war on terror as we know it would have never occurred. 9/11 would never have happened and who knows what that would have done for the betterment of America. Speaking of America.....

4. Exploration and the Founding of America

Would America as we know it even exist? Would people have never discovered America? If we did, what would our government be like? How different would America's government be? If people didn't flee from their countries for religious freedom (all caused by Christianity and it's affiliates btw) why would we have come here at all?
Would the Native Americans and their culture still be intact and virtually untouched?

Slavery might not have even happened! So modern day racism (although I know racism exists in other cultures) wouldn't exist. Africans might not have ever come to America. Maybe the Natives would have wiped the Caucasians out!

5. Hitler might not have existed and IF he did exist, he wouldn't have much ground to hate on the Jews because they would most likely still be living in the land of Israel and never been dispersed into the world at large.

If the Holocaust never happened.... *head explodes again*
World War II might not have had any grounds to begin.

6. Think of all the people that would NOT exist! Holy SHIT! If Christianity didn't exist we need to think of a few things:

* All the people in the wars caused by Christianity and Islam would still be alive (or not considering my next point)

* Many people we know throughout history (and those we don't) might not have been born! Many marriages were influences greatly by Christianity and if those babies were never born, other babies would have been born in their place! So not only might certain historical figures have done things differently (assuming the existed in the first place) they may not have existed AT ALL! WTF!?!

There is probably a LOT more than I missed but seriously... since I've had this thought my mind has been traveling at a million miles a minute trying to think of all the possible worlds that might have existed. It really is fascinating to think about. I just thought I'd blow ya mind :)

Witches: What people think we do....

2012-02-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

This is a meme I created for the differing views on witchcraft :) I hope you like it!

No Altar Video from my YouTube Channel

2012-02-14T07:09:00.001-08:00

I hope Dianne Sylvan sees this. I'd like her opinion. :)

A Bra Full of Stones

2012-02-11T14:45:00.000-08:00

Anxiety sucks. Panic attacks are not fun. That's why I had suck it up, give in and finally buy some hematite.

I'm sure that doesn't sound like a big deal but my relationship with hematite has been less than stellar for a long time. In any normal, non-anxiety provoking kind of life hematite keeps me so grounded it's uncomfortable. I needed to keep it away from me or else I couldn't function happily. Well... since therapy seems to be bringing all my shit to the surface I've needed to bust out my old enemy, hematite and shove it in my bra.

When I need a stone to assist in something, putting it in my pockets usually fails. That's how I lose stones and I don't personally feel the energy as much. So as a woman, I let the girls do the holding for me. Yesterday I had a piece of Chrysocolla and Hematite on me. The goal was: calm, peace and to be grounded. It completely worked. Hematite might not always be something I need on me but for now it looks like I might need to cozy up to it until all this blows over. I could really use a stone with Hematite and Chrysocolla mixed together. I know it exists. Now I just have to find it. Or..... Does anyone know someone that makes a hematite bra? Haha.

Pagan Blog Project: C is for Christian Day

2012-02-10T00:00:00.000-08:00

Warlock Christian Day

Christian Day. I must say he is a kind of role model for me. I admire his confidence and his willingness to stand up for what he believes in. His devilish good looks and witty sense of humor sometimes hide the fact that: The man has balls! He has made himself vulnerable to the public, although I'm sure he has the proper protection and magick keeping him safe from his haters and those that mean him harm. He does this in a way not many people would be comfortable doing. He proudly and openly states that he is a practitioner of witchcraft and necromancy. He challenges people (witches and non-witches alike) and makes them own up to their words and actions. He doesn't tolerate bullshit and from what I see on facebook and his Blog Talk Radio show (HEX Education) he is a loyal friend and will not stand by while his friends are being attacked by (dare I say it...) ignorant people.

One way Christian shows his pride and is by claiming the title: Warlock. Traditionally warlock has been known to mean oath breaker or traitor but Christian did his research and decided to take back the title of warlock. Historically a warlock was a male practitioner of Witchcraft. Warlocks and Witches practiced necromancy and would often be seen as rebels, questioning the churches authority. If that doesn't describe Christian, I don't know what would.

He takes his craft seriously. He is not someone that lives their practice in closets and the privacy of his own home. I really admire how public he his. I think he is a role model for every witch out there. Don't be ashamed of who you are and what you do and believe. What we do is not something that needs an apology. Christians don't apologize for being Christians. Why should we apologize for our beliefs?

I also think it's great how he dresses. Some people call him a freak or weird (or worse I would assume) but I love it! I think it's a way to take back an identity. What's wrong with dressing in full on regalia? What's wrong with wearing a real witches hat or a mask. A lot of pictures with Christian show him in his cloak. Does that make him any less of a warlock because he wears it? Hell no! If people don't take him seriously then that is their problem and I would go out and say it's a mistake. If you're on Christian's case and you piss him off enough and you think he's a joke... be prepared. I'm sure he'll send something your way.

Too many of us think that indulging in the more "fantastical" side of witchcraft cheapens our craft. I'm here to say it doesn't. Your practice is inside you and you know your own power. No amount of regalia or civilian clothes is going to validate you either way. The way you dress means very little when it comes to the craft. I however, admire Christian for dressing the way he does. It's him being himself and (in my opinion) sticking it to the haters. Personally, I think people are jealous that THEY don't have the balls to dress the way they want to dress so they take it out on people like Christian.

All in all, I really respect this man for being himself and standing up for himself and his beliefs. By the way... I completely recommend his book! Click on the picture below for the link to Hex Old World Witchery to purchase Christians book and click HERE for my reviews:

Being A Spiritual Nomad (a Dianne Sylvan E-Course)

2012-02-07T00:00:00.000-08:00

So I just signed up for Dianne Sylvan's E-Course The Spiritual Nomad. I've already read through the first course. I wanted to use this blog post to answer some questions that have been posed at the end of the first lesson.

1. On the whole, has your experience with spiritual exploration been positive or negative?

My spiritual exploration has been a mix of positive and negative. I'm not just talking about good times and bad times. I mean there were entire periods of my life that were 100% negative and others where it was more positive. In general, I wouldn't trade my spiritual experiences/exploration for anything. I have learned immensely about myself and the world during my journey. When I did experience periods of extreme negativity, I pushed forward because there was a desire to find something lighter, something that meshed with me on a higher, more personal level.

2. Were the negative experiences you had the result of religious institutions you disagreed with, individuals or group personality conflicts, problems with the religious doctrine, or something else? What did you learn about your own spiritual needs from those experiences?

The negative parts of my spiritual journey mostly occurred while I was practicing Islam. I would say all of it stemmed from the religion itself. I was striving to be the perfect Muslima. Because of this, I ended up getting married to my now EX-husband, Tarik. I wanted to wear the hijab, be a house wife, raise perfect Muslim children in the Masjid and teach them all about Allah and the prophet Muhammad. I ended up working at the masjid and teaching non-Muslims about Islam! Tarik on the other hand, presented himself as a perfect Muslim man. He was not. As a Muslim man and my husband his religious duty to me and to GOD was to provide financially and treat me with respect and dignity. He also had to preform his regular religious duties: praying 5 times a day, going to the masjid (on Friday's it is obligatory for men) and fasting during the holy month of Ramadan. He did NONE of these things. Meanwhile, he expected me to stay perfect. I had to wear the hijab and dress modestly, pray, etc. This caused me a lot of personal pain and anxiety. I actually developed anxiety disorder and major depression while I was married to this guy and it still continues to this day (I'm working on it though!). The fact that I had invested so much of my heart into a religion that my husband didn't take seriously was an incredibly negative experience.

Me, wearing a hijab
and arguing with
Christian preachers
on the Oval at OSU.
Spring 2008

I also remember trying my best to live according to the teachings of the prophet and words of Allah. Meanwhile the people around me were not doing this. I became angry and began to look inside myself to see if this is really where I belonged or if there was something else I was after. After 2 1/2 years of trying to be the perfect Muslim, I left. The RELIGION had taken me to a dark place I had never been. The RELIGION placed me farther from God than I had ever been. I had never felt so disconnected in my life. The RELIGION itself made me too concerned with the what and the where and the how and never with the reason I decided to be Muslim to begin with. The mundane actions and specific ways to do certain things left me in a state of constant anxiety: "Am I doing this right?" "Does my prayer still count if I forgot to put my finger up at a certain time?" I was to focused on the mundane and NOT on God (which is what I wanted in the first place).

What I ended up learning about myself was: I had never strayed from where I was before I became Muslim. I was never really Muslim to begin with. The reason I chose Islam was to become closer to God by way of rules and regimen (and Islam is full of that!). I thought I needed structure in order to maintain a close relationship to God. I never believed there was only ONE God, per-say. I was especially fond of the idea that Allah has 99 names. I thought of this in an almost polytheistic way. The 99 names were mere facets of one God but could be manifest in other religions as deities like: Krishna, Jesus, Athena, Pele and Anubus etc. I also learned that specific and absolute rules and laws DO NOT work for me. THAT is perhaps the biggest thing I learned.

3. If you had to choose one thing to call God what would you choose and why?

At this point in my life I would call "God" The Divine. God is too anthropomorphic for me. This could be because of my Catholic background but to me, despite the history and linguistics, God is too much of a personal name than an idea. When I say "The Divine," I can imagine infinite possibilities. There is no gender attached, no face, no name and certainly no shape. It's like a big ball of clay I can mold into anything I need.

4. How have you experienced deity most often in your life: as a discrete entity/entities, as a transcendent impersonal force, as a feeling of divine love, something else, or all of the above?

When I was younger and in my "New Age" stage I felt the divine as a general presence. It was usually warm, pleasant and in the form of a white light. I remember sometimes feeling like it washed over me and filled me up, making me tingle and just "know" things. Now, I feel the divine in some additional ways. I tend to personify the feminine aspect of the divine as the goddess Hecate. Her presence is a little more pronounced. I generally sense her and see signs from her but have yet to hear or see. Although I usually work with Hecate, I have sensed other deities as well (all facets of the divine in my opinion).

5. What is the least you need as an altar to supplement your practice? What would be your ideal?

The least I would need as an altar is maybe a candle. Candles can symbolize many things and give me a focal point. This being said, in a pinch I could just go out into nature and use nature as my altar. I wouldn't necessarily need anything other than myself (the ultimate magickal tool).

My ideal situation would be to use only what is on the earth and in my body however, seeing the world we live in and knowing the type of person I am: My ideal is actually a little more cluttered than what I have stated above. I like to have representations of just about everything (the elements, certain deities, symbols of the season etc). I love to have a clean, yet full altar to help focus my energies.

***************

Whew!! Ok so those were the questions to be answered as a reflection on the first lesson. That's a lot of stuff! It's very enlightening at the same time. The next (and final) part of the first lesson was to create a specific kind of timeline and relate it to the spiritual periods in your life. I made mine, here's a picture!

The main periods are:

Catholic (Born -13)

New Age (13-21)

Islam (21-24)

Wicca (24-25)

Witch (25-present)

How I Made Black Salt for Protection

2012-02-06T18:16:00.000-08:00

Black Salt for Protection

Supplies:

Cauldron
Mortar and Pestle
Lighter/ Matches
Charcoal
Herbs of your choice: I used Lavender and Sage
Sea Salt
Blessed Salt (optional)
Kitties (also optional)

This is a messy project and I highly recommend crating this in a ventilated room or right next to an open window (as I did). You might make the smoke alarms go off and/or breathe in too much smoke. Use your head.

1. First thing you must do is make sure you have a fireproof dish or cauldron to burn your herbs in. Make sure you are working on a fireproof surface as well.

2. Gather your herbs and work them into a fine powder using your mortar and pestle

3. Next light the charcoal. The charcoal will begin sparking (place in cauldron once sparking has begun) and will take a few minutes until it is ready. After the charcoal is done sparking, blowing gently on the charcoal can help speed up the process. Ideally you want the charcoal to be glowing reds/oranges and turning white before you add herbs to the mix. Give it about 5 minutes.

4. Place herbs on top of the charcoal in SMALL amounts. Too much of an herb can suffocate the charcoal. As the herb burns, add more herbs to the coal.

I kept all the herbs in the cauldron even as I added more herbs. I moved the charcoal and herbs around with a spoon to ensure everything was burning evenly. I also blew on the charcoal from time to time to keep it hot.

5. After you've burned the amount of herbs you see fit, wait for the charcoal and ashes to cool down

6. Once the charcoal and ashes cool down pour the contents into your mortar and pestle and grind them down into a fine powder.

7. Next you'll want to add the sea salt and blessed salt (optional).

I added 9 chunks of blessed salt from my mentors store. I chose 9 because I associate the number 9 with the goddess Hecate (my matron goddess).

8. Grind the salt, charcoal and herb mixture until satisfied.

TA-DA!!! Black Salt for Protection is FINISHED!

Oh What A Beautiful Day!

2012-02-06T11:33:00.000-08:00

Wow! I am so grateful for all the gorgeous days we've been having in Ohio recently. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping and I can almost feel the seeds below the soil fighting for exposure to the sun! I can't see buds on the trees yet, I haven't seen any flowers but I know they're under my feet. I can almost feel the plants yawning and stretching, ready to be free and fill the world with renewal and happiness! I love this time of year. The Imbolc season is so wonderful because the faint heartbeat of the earth is getting louder and louder. I feel Hecate's presence and Brid's inspiration. As I write I am moved to write a poem. I think I shall. Stay tuned! I will post it when it's done :)

The Pagan Blog Project: C is for Creating Correspondence Charts

2012-02-03T00:00:00.000-08:00

Oh goodness. Correspondence Charts. Recently I've started thinking about my Book of Shadows again. One of the biggest things I would like to add to it is: Correspondence Charts. This has been the brick wall to my spiritual momentum for some time now. When I first began studying the pagan path I was obsessed with trying to find the correct correspondence for certain things. It drove me nuts! I would find one book or website or person that had wonderful correspondences and then I would find another source with even better correspondences! I began to wonder if I would ever find something that really rang true to me. I sit here now, no farther along that path than I was when I first began. I still find myself searching through books to find correspondences for the sabbats, the esbats, the elements and deities. I have no idea who to trust or where to begin. I'm starting to feel like I should just say "Fuck it!" and do what I want!

In my opinion, however, there is a certain danger in that mentality. I believe in the "do what feels right for you" philosophy but I also believe there are certain things that just ARE (despite what one believes). For example: I would never associate Hematite with the element of air. Hematite is heavy and black and grounding and is not anything air is. I would never claim that Aquarius is an earth sign because I connect more with earth. Certain things just are.

I want a solid and detailed chart of correspondences so I can better organize and execute my practice and as of this moment I'm stuck. I'm not sure where to get my information. One book I love to use is Sabbats: A Witch's Guide to Living the Old Ways by Edain McCoy but it is very Celtic in nature and I'm not sure if that is where I want my practice to be based. I also use The Craft: A Witch's Book of Shadows by Dorothy Morrison. The frustrating thing is: these authors are not always on the same page! So what do I take and what do I leave? Who has the authority on correspondences anyway? No one. That is my issue.

Part of me feels like I really just have to open up and listen. I will know. Part of being a witch, I've learned, is to listen to the earth. Listen to the stone in your hand. Is it air, fire, water or earth? Watch the deer prancing in the woods in your backyard, does she say Artemis or Brid? I suppose my frustration lies in my programming. I am a product of my generation and waiting, and calming my mind is frustrating and not quick enough! I know I need to rid myself of this thinking (and believe me, I'm trying!). In the meantime I guess I will just keep referencing the great authors I respect (ie: Dorothy Morrison, Edain McCoy, Sorita d'Este, Christopher Penczak and Diane Sylvan)

Imbolc 2012: Plans and Reflections

2012-02-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

Blessed Imbolc Everyone! I love Imbolc. It was the first ritual I ever tried to do on my own. I had been aware of Paganism since Mabon of 2009 but didn't really get started until Samhain 2009. I was invited to a Witches Ball (which didn't sound strange considering it was halloween). I had been reading a few Scott Cunningham books before this point but Samhain 2009 was the first ritual I ever attended. I was hooked! I don't know what happened to Yule of 2009 but most likely I was way to intimidated by doing ritual all alone to observe the sabbat. Between Yule and Imbolc I read more and finally set up my first altar ever! Compared to what I do now, it is pretty basic but I still love the simplicity of it. Imbolc symbolized the beginning of my life as a witch. This is when I took my path into my own hands and began to practice (in some form or another). If you want to see the video I made about my altar click HERE.

The next Imbolc (2011) I found myself at another big change in my life: My Divorce. My divorce happened February 1, 2011. Imbolc had once again launched me into the rest of my life. So today I find myself celebrating Imbolc again and I'm in transition again. I am currently in counseling and tomorrow we are deciding upon a plan of action to help with my anxiety and depression. This plan will help shape me into the person I am under this thick layer of mental and psychic gunk! This plan is what will help me shed the unnecessary from my life AND finally shed the bad memories and associations I have from my marriage. Imbolc is like a nursing period for me. I'm amazed Hecate isn't widely associated with this Sabbat for the simple fact that this is about transition from the death to life. It's an in between period.

The seeds I'll be blessing

Speaking of Hecate, I am ready to embrace other goddesses. I need to embrace goddesses of spring, renewal and things like that. Hecate is always my home girl and my main goddess. I feel bound to her in a wonderful way but I like to honor other deities as well. For example: I'm looking forward to working with Inanna and Ostara and of course, my second homegirl Brid. So far, I have not felt like Hecate is the jealous type. I feel like she's okay with me working with other goddesses.

My plans this year for Imbolc are pretty basic. I've already made some Imbolc incense, black salt and I have some items to bless. I will post my recipes for the incense and black salt later so stay tuned! Mostly I plan to connect with Brid and write another poem in her honor (for my first poem click HERE). I also have some seeds to bless and plant. I have a small "green house" I bought from walmart. I'm going to plant them in there and get them ready for spring! :) That's all I really wanted to type for now. Look for my recipe blogs! They're coming soon!

Perfect Way to End the Day

2012-02-02T07:44:00.001-08:00

I really needed this today. Thank the gods!

Pagan Blog Project: B is for Banishing

2012-01-30T16:00:00.000-08:00

Banishing. I've never banished anything before but I find myself in need of it very much at the moment. I'm not sure what I should do or what exactly to banish. The source, a year ago, was my ex-husband. I wanted him completely out of my life. I was given a very specific spell to preform but I never did. I was too chicken. Eventually, he was gone from my life (so I thought) and I moved forward. Now, I feel like I should have done that ritual. I should have banished him and his residual energy! Now I find myself psychically hiding from his memory and the specific events from our marriage I re-live over and over again. I find myself being tortured by him! The weird part is: I haven't seen him in a year. He's not on my physical radar at all. Somehow he still gets to me no matter how hard I try to rid myself of him.

My dilemma has become: should a banish HIM or his memory? and if so, how? OR is it something different all together? I've read in Dorothy Morrison's book "Utterly Wicked: Curses Hexes and Other Unsavory Notions" that banishing is serious business. Do you REALLY want to banish? or is it something that can be handled by other means? Right now... I'm not sure.

As far as mundane practices I am doing all I can via counseling and self-reflection to move this process along but I can't help but think I can do something magickally to assist. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. I need to ground and center because this shit has me flying off the handle.

Review of "The Witches Book of the Dead" by Christian Day

2012-01-30T09:32:00.000-08:00

Christian Day has requested his book be purchased from HIM and not amazon.com because they refuse to remove some "reviews" that are by people that have not read the book and just want to bash Christian. Please click HERE to purchase his book from his store: Hex Old World Witchery

Click the book cover below to view my review of Christian Day's book:

Here is a video review:

My Amazon.com review:

I originally picked up Christian's book because of some bad and (in my opinion) ill-informed reviews. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. As I read the book, I was floored. First, it was an easy read. Reading the book was like listening to Christian speak. His personality really came through. I didn't feel talked down to and I didn't get lost while reading. The history presented in the book was addressed in such a way that I felt I learned a lot but wasn't lectured. I also enjoyed the personal stories and experiences. I think this brought the topic into the real world and helped me understand it's application.

Necromancy is something that is severely stigmatized and through reading this book I have found that it is not nearly as scary (even if we should use a skull!) as I once thought. I am still a Novice and do not plan on practicing necromancy anytime soon because I am not as experienced as I feel I need to be. However, when the time comes, I plan on revisiting this book and following Christians advice. Unlike some reviews I read, I felt like Christian approaches necromancy from a very respectful stand point. He doesn't sugar coat what necromancy is and is not afraid to tell it like it is. Yes, as a necromancer you will ask spirits to do things for you but you're not shackling them into slavery. There is definitely a large element of respect when asking spirits to do things for you. A relationship must be developed and maintained. At no point did I get the impression that spirits are treated as beings without a face or story. I actually gathered the opposite. I felt as if Christian was saying you should work with familiar spirits you feel comfortable with.

As for Christian's "ego" (which has been addressed in other reviews), I feel like it comes through in this book but not in a stuck up way. The voice behind the book is that of confidence and experience. I felt like the "name dropping" he does solidify's his place in the community and (when it comes to spirits) shows his reverence for his beloved dead.

All in all this book is invaluable for someone that would like to practice necromancy now or in the future. I feel like I am not bias, seeing as I do not know Christian personally, and I am not involved in the greater witch community. Politics and personal practice aside, this book is a home-run.

Pagan Blog Project: B is for Bashing Bunnies

2012-01-27T09:54:00.000-08:00

Recently, in my online pagan community there has been some discussion of "Fluffy Bunnies." Some people have been quick to bash newer Wiccans (that's usually the target) and call them "fluffy" because they like to buy crystals and make videos about their excitement and their new witchy things. Arn't we all a little fluffy? How many of us wish what we did was as cool as The Craft. We've all watched it and loved it. We all have thought of a world where it's real. I still love The Craft and others like Practical Magic, Harry Potter and Hocus Pocus. Does that make me fluffy? Does that make my practice invalid?

It is not fair to bash people just because they're new and not quite to "your level". Or because they like witchy movies. Maybe they dress in a stereotypical goth way. If they do, that is NOT a reflection on their practice. Everyone has their own style and the last time I checked style is not directly related to spirituality. Why are we so quick to judge someones level of spiritual seriousness by their newness and excitement?

I think that the newbies to Wicca/Witchcraft/Paganism are wonderful! It's your opportunity to help someone learn! Remember when you were at that stage and you wish you had someone to teach you? You wanted someone to share new ideas with and discuss Scott Cunningham and Silver RavenWolf because it was the latest and greatest information you'd come across! You didn't know about the other authors. If Scott Cunningham told you to make Full Moon Incense then you went out and bought the proper herbs, a mortar and pestle and some sort of fireproof dish to burn it all in. If a book told you that you needed certain tools, you did your best to get them. You had fun going to shops and expos picking out stones and buying tarot decks of crystal balls. Then, there you were. It's your first full moon, you have all your things. You have Scott Cunningham incense in hand when you realize... "I don't know what to do!" That's when the second part of your journey began. That's when you realized it's not all about the "witchy stuff" (although witchy stuff is AWESOME!). You realize you need to get to know the god and goddess, the elements, the spirits around you. You need to learn how to actually work energy as opposed to just pretending it's there. At that point, you decided to rise above the mundane and reach out into the greater abyss that is "Wicca 102."

It takes different people differing amounts of time to come to this realization. Unfortunately, those people still in the material world of Wicca are seen as "Fluffy." They're not taken seriously. Instead, they're made fun of and ridiculed. How is that fair? Talk to these people! Share ideas! Teach from experience. Help them move along. Be that person you always wanted around when you were in that stage. Don't leave newbies in the dark. Don't make them feel bad for feeling good about finally finding a place they belong.

The term "Fluffy Bunny", while it IS adorable, is condescending. It's putting someone on a lower shelf than you and it's wrong. Stop belittling other people practice and spiritual beliefs. Not everyone does everything the same way. Some people might feel good and connected at the newbie stage. Is there anything wrong with that? No. Let bygones be bygones and let's all try to respect one another. We don't all have to like each other but, especially as Pagans, we should all respect each other on some level.

The Pagan Blog Project:A is for Altar

2012-01-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

Altar

My Altar Lughnasah 2010

When I hear the word: Altar I immediately hear my mentor tellingme: Always set your altar. Her voice resonatesin the back of my mind and since I met her, I have made it a point to not onlyhave an altar set up but to actually use it! An Altar is not just for decoration.An altar is the power center of my practice. My mentor has also described analtar as a battery. An altar is where energy is stored and can be accessed whenneeded. It is also a place I can connectto the divine. My altar serves so many purposes.

My altar:

My altar is a desk. I utilize all levels of my altar. Thetop is mostly used to represent the current season (or upcoming sabbat). Rightnow it is set for Imbolc. I decorate the top with candles, figurines, fabric andother symbols of the season. This is where I pay homage to the wheel of theyear.

The shelves on my altar house a plethora of differentthings. I store a few items such as incense, candles and lighters in thedrawers and in the cubbies I place spells, or representations of the elements.

The bottom and bulk of my altar is the desk itself. This iswhere I burn incense, light my daily candles, store energy, work magick andrevere the divine. I have simple tools on my working altar such as:

Lugh candle (left) Brid candle (Right)
Goddess Statue (Center)

Representations of the god and goddess: Right now I have two 7 day candles. I haveplaced images of Brid and Lugh on them. I try to change the candles for theupcoming sabbat. Right now it is Brid and Lugh for Ostara is will probably beEostre and just a picture of the sun (I can't find any "official consorts of Eostre so I thought the sun might be a better representation of god energy).

I also try to place symbols of the divine masculine and feminine on each side of the altar. This can be stones, symbols (like a Cauldron for Samhain or Eggs for Ostara). I place the feminine on the right and the male on the left. To me, it just makes sense. There is no specific reason I do this.

My Goddess Statue: I have a Goddess Statue I purchased at a Renaissance Fair. I usually decorate her with some colors, stones or foliage of the season but right now she is holding my intention ritual from my "Inner Temple of Witchcraft" by Christopher Penczak year and a day study and a baby feather I found one day.

My Pentacle: I feel like my Pentacle gives off good vibes and brings my altar together. I feel that it is the center of my altar (where the power is ultimately stored.)

My wand: Usually I have one of my hand crafted wands on my altar not only is it there to represent air but it is also there because I don't like to hide away my tools and other items.

My Chalice: I keep my chalice on my altar at all times. When it is not being used for obvious reasons it holds my goddess prayer beads and my "The Well Worn Path" deck of cards to help guide me on my spiritual path.

The Elements: Right now, the elements are not as defined on my altar as they once were. The elements are found in more subtle ways. Ideally I used to have a cubbie for each element with their respective candles and items in the cubbie to that related to the element

My current Imbolc altar 2012

Earth: Stones, Wolf Figurine, Salt, Dirt etc
Air: Feathers, Incense burners, Loose Incense bottles, Bird Figurines etc
Fire: Candles, Dragon, Pheonix figurines, Picture of Fire etc
Water: Sea Shells, Pearl Necklace, Water animal figurines, Water itself

I used to think that there was a specific way to set up an altar and that if I didn't BAD THINGS WOULD HAPPEN!! That turned out NOT to be the case. I love altars because they can be simple (like my Alter to Hecate) and complex. Altars can be as different as the people that set them. An Altar can look anyway you want. If something seems off to you... most likely it is. Make it yours and most importantly set your altars! Keep them up! Don't let them collect dust. That is not what they are made for.

Below are more pictures of other altars I have set and used for different occasions and places.

Hecate Altar this past summer 2011

Samhain Altar 2010

Mabon Altar 2011

Lughnasah/Connect with the sun god and local native
spirit altar on the go 2010

Samhain 2011

Meditation Altar

Meditation Altar up close

The Pagan Blog Project: A is for Astrology

2012-01-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

Astrology

I am a Libra with a Cancer Moon and Taurus rising. I was born on a 55% waning moon (I just learned that today!). I am lovable, judgmental, fair, I love nice things, I can get along with anyone although I don't always like anyone and although I have my firm opinions I am usually sitting on the fence when it comes to life. I cry at the drop of a hat, I experience emotions intensely and am in love with the idea of being in love. I am flirty but subtle, I love to wear low cut shirts but overall I am a bit modest and insecure when it comes to action. Gossip is my biggest downfall but I can't help but talk, talk, talk! I have strange luck with finances and have an apt for being a teacher. My spirituality means the world to me and I am a homebody for sure. I have always been these things. It wasn't until I discovered astrology that I found out I can't help it and it's been "written in the stars" so-to-speak.

I Love Astrology. It's one of the most simple and (in my opinion) inescapable things in my life. Astrology really helped me accept me for who I am as opposed to who I was trying to be. I was ashamed of myself and how I handled myself until I realized it is who I am! Then I decided to step up and own it. If you don't like me then that's okay because I am who I am and that's all I can be :)

Here is my birth chart (scroll down for the rest of my post):

Zodiac in degrees 0.00			Placidus Orb:0
Sun	Libra	13.43	Ascendant	Taurus	28.59
Moon	Cancer	11.48	II	Gemini	23.41
Mercury	Libra	24.05	III	Cancer	14.34
Venus	Virgo	18.17	IV	Leo	6.35
Mars	Virgo	17.04	V	Virgo	4.15
Jupiter	Aquarius	7.09	VI	Libra	12.51
Saturn	Scorpio	25.27	VII	Scorpio	28.59
Uranus	Sagittarius	14.49	VIII	Sagittarius	23.41
Neptune	Capricorn	1.02	IX	Capricorn	14.34
Pluto	Scorpio	3.51	Midheaven	Aquarius	6.35
Lilith	Taurus	14.07	XI	Pisces	4.15
Asc node	Taurus	9.13	XII	Aries	12.51

My chart is incredibly accurate (as I assume most/all are). I think people that think their chart is bullshit are lying to themselves or attempting to be someone they are not. This, in turn, will probably lead them to an unhappy life of always striving to be something different and never satisfying their desires.

I am in no way an "official" astrologer. I am an amateur at best. I love to look up peoples signs and charts. I become almost "psychic" in a way when I know someone's sign. I can tell them things about themselves they may have assumed I could never know. I can predict behavior based on astrology and I can tell (on a basic level) who I can and can't get along with. I tend to gravitate toward certain signs than others. Some signs I feel incredibly averse to (although that does not mean that I will just diss you if you are of that sign). I give everyone a chance because I realize that you are SO MUCH MORE that your sun sign or moon sign. There are certain combinations, however, I am "astrologically allergic" to. I use my chart and astrology in general to figure myself out. It is a tool I can use in order to live my life to its fullest.

Someone once posted a comment on a video I made on YouTube called: What is the BEST astrological sign? (which is only a fun opinion video, not supposed to be fact) saying: You are judging people with their Zodiac signs? What a rabbish mambo jambo. Your personality is shaped by so many factors. Imagine, what the world would be like if people start judging others by their Zodiac signs.

First of all I say: LOL!!! Second of all I say: Everyone DOES act like their sign! Everyone acts their BIRTH CHART. You may be a Leo and not identify completely as a Leo (although you may still have Leo traits). This is probably because there are SO MANY different combinations and signs in your chart that overshadow your Sun in Leo (although a sun in Leo is pretty hard to overshadow). Your chart is a recipe for YOU and each sign and each planet combination is an individual ingredient. One ingredient could never sum up a whole. You are a mixture of these ingredients. That is why we're all so unique. That is why twins are SO SO similar, yet can be so completely different. In astrology (in some cases) minutes can make a huge difference!

I suppose I am done ranting and raving about Astrology. These are my firm opinions as a Libra. But.... as a Libra I say: You do what you want to do. It's not big thing. To me, regardless if you believe in astrology or not, you can't escape it.

Blessings!

The Witch's Book of the Dead by Christian Day

2012-01-17T12:49:00.000-08:00

I want to recommend a book. This book is AMAZEBALLS. I am still in the middle of reading it (almost done though!) but I wanted to let you all know it's fantastic and you should buy it!

Click on the picture below to go to Hex Old World Witchery and see the description, reviews and to buy it!

Tim Tebow and the Power of Devotion

2012-01-16T11:23:00.000-08:00

You might not know who Tim Tebow is. To be honest, I'm not an expert. I only hear about him on the news and through my brother (a sports fanatic). Here is a very brief description of Tim Tebow:

When Florida lost to Alabama is was a
big deal and TimTebow cried. Also
notice the bible verses on his
black paint.

Tim Tebow is a football player that used to play for University of Florida and currently plays for the Denver Broncos. The over all jist of Tebow is: he never loses and he's "perfect." Not to mention he is UBER religious! Tim Tebows faith in Jesus is incredibly intense. He wears a bible verse on his eye black all the time.

The reason I'm writing this post is because of a football game: Broncos vs. the Steeler's. On this day, Tebow was wearing John: 3:16 on his eye black. The Bronco's won the game (against most odds I believe). It wasn't just any win. It was a win ordained by God! (Let me explain before you go crazy...)

John 3:16 --For God so loved the world, that
Hegave His only begotten Son,that whoever
believes in Him shall not perish,
but have eternal life.

Tebow threw 316 yards against the Steelers
31.6 yards was the average yards per completion that day
The TV ratings were 31.6 out of 46
The Steeler's only interception occurred on a 3rd down with 16 yards to go

*enter creepy music here*

What's my point? I don't want to bash Tim Tebow.
I am actually going to go out on a limb here and say: Hey Pagans, look at how powerful devotion to the divine can be! I for one, do not discount the Christian god as a divinity. I do not believe he is the only divinity in the world but a divinity none-the-less. Tim Tebow obviously takes the time to honor his god. He thanks him for just about everything and (although sometimes annoying) spreads his message in creative ways like his eye paint. He is extremely devout! I'm NOT saying that Jesus is a Broncos fan. I'm also NOT saying that Jesus made the Bronco's win because Tim Tebow is his favorite. I AM saying that the numbers in the statistics were signs to Tebow that he is being watched over, cared for and loved by his god.

Do you think I'm off my rocker? I think it's completely possible! Why not? When I am more connected to Hecate my life is so much better. Her signs are everywhere and I feel her precense on a daily basis. When I stop the prayers, the devotions or even simply lighting her candle on her altar I feel her dissolving into the background. Prayer and devotion can be a powerful thing and as a witch (and even for all pagans) you can't really accomplish much if you don't have respect for your deities. You can't expect them to jump up when you need help when you're not calling on them every day or so.

I just thought this was an interesting subject. I wonder what you all think about this?

Another Blog of Mine...

2012-01-10T10:01:00.000-08:00

I've started another blog. Mostly it's for myself but if anyone was interested in viewing it, it's available. It's basically a food journal. It's a tool given to me by my counselor to help with my food addiction. So far I feel like it's helping. If you're on a weight loss journey and want to participate with me then let's do it! I want to get healthy the healthy way. This is going to be it.

The Blog is called: Facing Food: My Food Journal. Click on the picture below to access it.

Ugh... Juicing is Hard

2012-01-03T06:04:00.000-08:00

Ok... Juicing is a great idea but I'm starting to wonder if ONLY liquid is a good idea? The first day of my juice fast was January 1. It was hard. I got 3 juices in and my cravings began. They were terrible. I never thought my addiction to food was that bad. I ended up giving in, having wings with my boyfriend and (of course) feeling terrible afterward. I made a promise to myself and my friend Amanda that I would really do it Monday the 2nd. I had ONE juice. Then, I had a regular lunch and pretty much nothing the rest of the day until approximately 8pm when my pizza arrived. FML....

I KNEW I shouldn't do it. I KNEW I didn't need it yet I did it anyway. The first few bites were heaven. I quickly regretted it. I fought with myself for 2 hours and finally did it. Lemme get pissed for a second....

WHY THE FUCK DO I DO THAT TO MYSELF?!?! I Waited 2 hours! Why couldn't I have waited longer?! UGHHHH!!!!! I do it to myself and I have no idea why. I felt like a fucking crack addict getting her fix.

The good news is: this morning my body completely rejected everything I had eaten last night. My current weight is 297.2 lbs. I began on Monday at 298.4. We'll see how I keep progressing.

*******

Someone on Twitter last night posted a tweet stating: Sacrifice means "to make sacred." That means a lot in regards to what I'm doing right now. I am sacrificing certain things in my life right now in order to respect myself as a woman and a human being. I am sacred and I deserve love and I deserve to be healthy.

One thing I've thought I might do is Juice and also eat fresh fruits and veggies. I'm not sure yet. We'll see. Today I am going to try my damnedest to go a whole day on Juice. IF I get so hungry I can't take it or I get a craving I can't shake I intend to do one of a few things:

1. Sleep
2. Watch a Movie
3. Clean
4. If things get REALLY tough, eat an apple or veggie

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Food does NOT control me. Food does NOT control me. Food does NOT control me.
I deserve to be healthy and happy. I deserve to be happy and healthy. I deserve to be happy and healthy

Mean Green Juice: I'm in LOVE!

2011-12-30T19:53:00.000-08:00

I think I may have found a solution to my veggie woes! It's called Mean Green Juice! It was featured as a staple juice in the juice fasts of Joe Cross and Phil in the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead (watch it on Netflix!) The idea of green juice is a little scary but let me tell you.... IT'S SO GOOD!!

Today, I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead for the 3rd time. It is REALLY good for motivation. I was reminded of the Mean Green Juice and thought: Holy Crap! I have all those ingredients in my fridge right now!! The anticipation of whether or not I'd like it was killing me.

When I came home today to be with my boyfriend and play Skyrim, I said to myself: I will juice tonight. Time passed and around 8pm I wanted KFC. I asked my boyfriend to get it for me and he said "No." I am incredibly thankful for that. I then thought I could order wings from pizza hut and have them delivered! I fought about it in my mind and resisted.

I finally got my ass out of the living room, into the kitchen and made the Mean Green Juice! After juicing the ingredients (I'll post the recipe below) I took my first sip. ....HEAVEN! It's definitely veggie but the two apples help (as does the ginger). Also, the recipe calls for Kale is FULL of nutrients. I heard it sucked but honestly, I can't taste it! Overall this juice is fantastic. As I sit here typing this I am feeling the effects already. Detox is coming whether I'm ready or not! Lol

Mean Green Juice

6 Kale Leaves

1 Cucumber

4 Celery

1 Lemon

2 Green Apples

1 small piece of ginger

Lifestyles of a Juicing Pagan: Day Three

2011-12-30T07:01:00.000-08:00

Whew! The last few days have been pretty awesome! I've been able to have 2 juices a day so far. I usually have one for breakfast, a regular lunch, a juice when I get home and then a small solid snack around dinner time. I'm trying to ween myself in. I think I'm doing an okay job.

I know I haven't been juicing 100% yet but I am already feeling the detox (on a small scale I imagine). Let's just say the bathroom has been a second home to me the last few days. (Ewww..) I'm hoping this mini-detox phase will soften the blow Sunday-Tuesday for me. We shall see....

So far, I've found that recipes you THINK sound good are not really as yummy as one might hope. For the benefit of any new juicer that happens upon this blog I think I should share my recipes and my thoughts on how yummy it really is.

Pear, Apple, Orange

I know this doesn't look like much... but it was SO AMAZING I forgot to take a picture when I first made it! The recipe was simple and delish! I drank it for breakfast because of all the fruit/sugar.

1Pear

1 Red Apple

2 Oranges

This drink ended up tasting like a very sweet Orange Juice. SO YUM!

Apple, Cucumber, Ginger

This drink looked so yummy. When I drank it... it was less than stellar. Here is the recipe:

2 Green Apples

1 Cucumber

1'' Ginger

I think I made a mistake. I juiced the cucumber with the peel on. I'm pretty sure I should take that off next time. I also think my ginger was a little bigger than it should have been. I think next time I would also do 1 green and 1 red apple. That MIGHT redeem the beverage :)

Veggie Juice!

I have mixed feelings about this juice. It was my first all veggie juice. Not too bad in all honesty but I could not finish it. It was like drinking cold vegetable soup. I feel like I should have just downed it like a shot of whiskey!

2 Roma Tomatoes

6 Carrots

3 Pieces of Celery

Small handful of Spinach

This drink recipe was originally: 2 tomatoes, 6 carrots and 1 celery. I used Roma Tomatoes because I heart them but when I saw "1 celery" I was like: "Uh.... one piece? one entire bunch? ONE WHAT?!" Maybe it shouldn't have confused me so I did something that seemed in the middle: I used 2 celery pieces. I also wanted to see how my juicer worked with leafy greens so I juiced a bit of spinach too :)

In retrospect I should have only used 1 celery piece and maybe juice the carrots first THEN the tomatoes? I'm not sure. The juice was not terrible but it needed something else. I'll have to experiment with it.

A Tart Start to the Day!

This is what I am drinking this morning for breakfast. BOY! It is TART! I had to make an adjustment to make it drinkable but in the end it is delish!

1 Pear

1 Red Apple

1 Lemon

1 Orange

5 Broccoli Florets

**I added a sliver of Pineapple to ease the tartness of the lemon**

This drink is yummy!! I think it is great for energy in the morning. Some tweaks I would make are simple but I think they'd make a BIG difference in tartness: I would use a smaller lemon (the lemon I had was almost as big as the orange I used)! I would also add a few more pieces of Broccoli (just because I know it's going to be hard for me to get all the veggies I need). I think I would still keep the pineapple though. It really mellowed the drink out for me. I think this juice might also be a good place to hide some spinach juice too ;)

Whew! So there is my juicing journey so far :) I will keep you updated (of course) and share my recipe wins and fails.

Lifestyles of a Juicing Pagan: Day One

2011-12-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

I've been vlogging about it for weeks. I've mentioned it on my blog once or twice and now... the time has come! For Christmas, Santa brought me a Jack LaLanne Power Juicer! YAY!! After seeing the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, my friend Amanda and I decided to juice for 10 days. I've been planning this experience for approximately a month and a half.

Yesterday, on my lunch break, I went to the grocery store and stocked up for the next few days. I assume you can't really buy fruits and veggies like you can other groceries. The fresher the better! I was really proud of myself. My list was as follows:

My blurry grocery cart

Apples (Green and Red Tomatos

Oranges Broccoli

Pineapple Spinach

Kiwi Kale

Lemon Carrots

Lime Celery

Pear Cucumber

Ginger

I have started introducing fresh juice into my diet. Between today and Sunday January 1st (which btw has nothing to do with a New Years resolution) I will be drinking fresh juices every day (along with solid food) and slowly weening out meats, grains, and cheeses. By Sunday I will be on a juice only food plan.

Today I had my first Juicing experience EVER! I had a Carrot/Orange juice for breakfast this morning. It was simple but so good. I heard it was a good energy drink (ie: a good way to begin the day!) The carrot taste at first was a bit different but I liked it. One thing about carrot though... it stains! Wash out your juicer shortly after juicing. Also, don't be like me.... do a lip check before you leave the house. When I got into my car I noticed I had big orange stains around my lips like a 4 year old drinking red Kool-Aid!

Carrot/ Orange Juice -

Great for Breakfast!

4 Carrots

2 Oranges (peeled)

I juiced the carrots first then added the oranges and then added ice. YUM!

The effects of the juice were almost immediate! First, I thought I could just down the juice like any other beverage I've had. That is NOT the case. This juice (as I assume most will be) was a sipper. After a few minutes of drinking, I felt a RUSH. It sort of felt like a caffeine rush except without the jitters. I assume this is not only the sugar rushing to my head but also the nutrients! I haven't been eating well recently and this had to have been a shock to my system. I had the juice at 8:30am and I still feel awake and focused.

I'm really looking forward to juicing. My biggest concern are veggie juices (with NO FRUIT!!! OH NO!!!!). I love sugar and fruit and drinking only veggies sounds not quite as yummy. Who knows? Maybe I'll love it. If not, I'll endure it because I know I can't just hang out drinking fruit all the time. I think adding a BIT of fruit to a mostly veggie juice will be the best way to ease into the veggie world.

Today marks the beginning of a long but very satisfying journey. Who's pumped? THIS GIRL!

Fond Memories of Islam: My Video Explained and Why I Deleted It

2011-12-07T12:41:00.001-08:00

I published a video last night on my fondness of the religion of Islam based on my experience as a convert over the span of 3 years. I took this video down because of some comments I received. These comments were not TERRIBLE but they made me upset (mostly because I like the person that commented). I do not believe it was her intention to upset me. I am not mad at this person but the comments DID lead me to take down my video (something I never do). Here is an explanation of what I discussed in the video and also, at the end of the post, I describe what upset me so much.

The Video:

In short, a Muslim is one that surrenders their will to God.In order to convert to Islam all one must do is say: lā ʾilāhaʾillallāh, Muḥammad rasūlu-llāh (There is no God but God and Muhammad is theProphet of God). Let’s break this down:

1. There is no God but God – do I believe this? Ina sense I do. I believe all deities are manifestations of a greater energy or“divine source.” But I do not believe this divine source is the ultimate goodand it has a nemesis (Shaytan/Satan). I also do not believe this divine sourcerequires anything from us. I do not believe in Judgment Day where all souls arejudged by this divine source.

I believe this source is in everything and IS everything. I believe itbenefits us as human beings to connect with this source on a regular basis butI don’t believe it is required. I believe when we die we all go to the sameplace (maybe on different levels but the same place none the less). I believein reincarnation.

2. Muhammad is the prophet of God – I do believethis. Why not? There are thousands of prophets past and present. To me, aprophet is simply someone that receives some sort of divine guidance orinspiration and shares it with the people around them. Now, just because I believe he’s a prophetdoes not mean I believe his is the only “TRUE” message from the divine. Isimply believe he brought down some wisdom that was relevant at the time to aspecific group of people.

So based on the definition of Muslim I am not a Muslim. Notreally. Muslims do not believe that multiple deities make up the divine. They also believe you should not picture GodOR the prophet Muhammad.

I am not Muslim. BUT….

There is a lot about the religion I love. Sometimes I evenmiss it. (It’s such a strange place to be in. I often find myself in thesesituations though. I’m usually on the fence or caught between two places. Ipersonally blame it on my Libra-ness). Here are some things I miss:

· Prayer – I miss what it feels like to be in aholy building, praying with my sisters and brothers (although not in the sameroom). I miss being shoulder to shoulder, whispering the sacred prayers andbowing and prostrating to the divine. That is such a humbling experience. It’salso extremely grounding. Think about the feeling of touching your body to theearth. Now think about how it feels to lay on the ground or (in yoga) get intochilds pose. It feels so good. That’s what I miss.

· Connecting -- I also miss taking the time out ofmy day to connect. 5 times a day I connected with the divine. It was a form ofmeditation, really. It felt so good. Now-a-days I don’t take that time. I don’tgo out of my way to connect. I don’t ask to be excused so I can go to a privateroom and pray or meditate. (Side note: I DO plan on trying to incorporate thatinto my daily practice)

· The sense of community – There is a sense ofcommunity you feel when you are involved in Islam that I feel is common amongmost religions but unique in an Arab kind of way. As a convert I was immersedinto Arab culture. The food, the music, the family, the sisterhood, thelanguage. I used words like: Alhamdulliah!(Thank God!) Wallah! (I swear to God!) Insha’allah(God Willing), Bismillah (In the nameof God) As salam wa’Alaykom! (Peaceand Health!)

· Tradition – Islam is based on a long history oftradition. One tradition I loved (and would like to incorporate into my Paganpractice) is when a baby is born the father whispers the call to prayerand Shahadah into the babies ear. ILOVED that idea.


I'm in the blue skirt and pink hijab.

· The Hijab—Although I find no Qu’ranic evidencethat a woman needs to cover her HAIR, I once believed it was necessary. I feltlike I needed to cover my head for myself (to protect my modesty) and mostimportantly to connect to God. I miss what the hijab represents, I suppose.Today, I like showing my hair and I do not feel that showing my body keeps mefrom being spiritual or connected. But the hijab still holds a special place inmy heart.

And now to address why I took down the video:

A person commented a few times on the video and offended mea little. This person is NOT a bad person but these comments I think were outof the blue and unnecessary.

First they mentioned that they were offended when I said Iwas nervous about putting this on the internet because I’ve heard that SOMEMuslims take a de-conversion very seriously and it’s potentially dangerous. Isaid that if I start getting comments to that affect I would take the videodown. She was offended by this. She said I should know better that that is afalse stereotype. The truth is, I DON’T know that is a false stereotype. I knowonly a couple people that have said they experienced this kind of backlash whenthey left Islam. It’s just something I keep in the back of my mind to cover myass.

My Ex husband...... yeah....

Then she went on to tell me to stop saying terrible thingsabout Arab men. We have had conversations regarding Arab men in the past. Ibelieve I told her that I had no ill feelings toward Arab men in GENERAL but Iam NOT a fan of my ex –husband (who technically was African… not Arab). A trueMuslim man is actually a pretty nice thing to behold. They are full of respect,integrity and love. The weird thing about this comment was: I didn’t bad mouth Arab men at all in thisvideo. This video was about my love and respect for a faith once practiced. Isupposed I was offended that she thought I felt a way I did not feel.

She also said: If you are going to say you are open to life,which you have, then be open to life!

Um… where in this video did I say I was not open? Where inthis video was I NOT respectful and open? I’m NOT against Muslim MEN! If I endup with a Palestinian Muslim then so be it. As of now, I’m with a moderatelyPagan Mixed Black guy. That’s just the cards I was dealt.

I think the open mindedness comment and the Muslim mencomment hurt me the most. I suppose it’s because I feel like this person is mysister in some ways. I was hurt that she didn’t seem to understand where I amcoming from. I connect with her on aPagan Level (moderately) but also on a Muslim level. That is not something Ican say about most people. If she readsthis, I hope she’s not angry with me. I’m not trying to be mean behind her backor anything. I just really wanted to vent my feelings.

I honestly don’t know how I can just TALK about Islamwithout someone with a background in Islam picking apart my EXPERIENCE. *Sigh*I don’t know. Perhaps I overreacted but I still stand by taking down the video.I’ll make another one another time.

Making my office zenalicious

2011-12-02T10:32:00.001-08:00

I wanted to make sure my office was fun. I wanted life (a plant), stones, and inspiration. Here is my office so far:

My computer with some inspirational Goddess Leonie Artwork :)

Some stones for my office. Rose Quartz, Botswana Agate, Crysocolla and Managano calcite.

My plant. I think I should name him "Larry"

More inspiration from Goddess Leonie!

This is a close up of "Larry" I have a meditation frog, a pretty glass ball and my friendship egg!

Blogger from my phone!

2011-12-01T19:39:00.001-08:00

Wooo! Blogger from my phone!

I'm wondering: what would you all like to see on this blog? Leave comments. :) I'm looking to expand my horizons. This blog will be awesome!

Witchy Room, Juice Fast and YouTube Ideas

2011-11-27T14:13:00.001-08:00

I'm sitting in my witchy room at the moment listening to Kellianna. My favorite incense is burning (Aastha) and the candles on my altars are lit. I've cleaned a bit, gone grocery shopping and now I find myself here. I'm feeling peaceful and accomplished today. My witchy room is almost ready to be shown! I've wanted to do a witchy room video on my channel for a while now. I still am unable to upload videos longer than 10 minutes. I think it's my phone and the program I use on my computer. My account says I'm able to upload longer videos. I'll figure it out. :)

My biggest witchy room accomplishment was the establishment of my meditation altar (finally!!). It's taken a while but I finally set it up :)

It's very zen, calming and most importantly it has a touch of Michelle! It's also kind of cool because I have some things from my ancestors on the altar (the large meditating statue belonged to my dad's mom and the fan belonged to my mom's mom. I also have frogs featured on the altar. So far, the frog is the only legit animal I've encountered in my meditation. I have a praying frog that holds incense and I have a quartz crystal with a frog engraved on it sitting at the base of the meditation figure.

I have also set a comfy chair next to the meditation altar (and for the matter it's also next to my main altar). I think this chair might be the best place for me to meditate comfortably. I'm psyched!

On another note:

I've been talking to my BFF Amandapearl2 and she recommended I watch a video on Netflix called: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. It's about an Australian man that was fat, sick and nearly dead. He went on a juice fast for 60 days and lost 82 pounds! He was under medical supervision the whole time. You also witness the story of a truck driver he meets during the documentary. He decides to do the juice fast too. The results were amazing!!

Now... I don't know if I'll do 60 days but I am very interested in the benefits of a juice fast and eating more fruits and veggies as opposed to what makes up my diet (meat, cheese, bread and sugar). Basically, you buy only fruit and veggies and you put them in a juicer and TA-DA! Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Snacks! It cleanses you, provides nutrients and keeps you full. The fact that it's liquid allows it to be absorbed into your system faster.

Myself, along with Amanda, are seriously thinking about doing a 10 day juice fast. I've asked for a Juicer for Yule and Amanda is definitely getting one. It will just be a matter of committing and just doing it! When we both decide to do this, I will most certainly blog everyday of the fast to let you know how I feel, how I am doing and if it's easy or hard. I'm getting more and more pumped to do it the more I talk about it and look up recipes! I feel like it will be difficult the first day or 2. But I can only imagine the crisp, clean and refreshed feeling my body will have when I'm done. Who knows? Maybe I'll do it longer than 10 days if all goes well. We shall see...

And now YouTube:

Basically, I really want to do book reviews but I don't know how interesting that will be for most people. Any thoughts?

Body Image: Are These women PLUS SIZE?!

2011-11-15T16:50:00.000-08:00

What is "Plus Sized"? Where are my role models? Is it weird that my "plus size" role model is a size 12 when I'm a size 24? In all honesty, I would LOVE to look like Whitney Thompson. To me, she is gorgeous (almost too skinny). I need to work on my body image. I feel gross most of the time even though I'm showing progress in my weight loss. Last time I checked, I had lost about 12 pounds since I began seriously trying to lose weight (about 2.5 months ago). Still, I have my bad days but I'm working on it.

I just can't believe people say these woman are gross. I think they're beautiful and I aspire to be like most of them: Voluptuous and Confident!

I just wanted to rant a bit. Thanks for listening.

Whitney Thompson

Toccara

Mia Tyler

This YouTuber Rocks My Socks: A Very High Recommendation

2011-11-15T16:18:00.001-08:00

I need to recommend a channel on YouTube for you all: Mirkwood90! He is completely awesome and so well spoken. His faith is fascinating and different than anything I've encountered in my many years of religious exploration and contemplation. Click HERE for his channel. Below is a VR he did to my video on Christo-Paganism. It sums up his beliefs pretty well. I wanted to share it with you!

Think Of Laura But Laugh Don't Cry. I Know She'd Want It That Way.

2011-11-15T06:46:00.000-08:00

This post was in my "Drafts" and I'm not sure why. I wrote it in August about my Aunt Laura. I wanted to share it.

A year ago Monday (August 29) my aunt Laura passed away from breast cancer. The last time I saw her was June 23, 2010 at my cousin Erins wedding. She had been fighting breast cancer for years and things started getting bad. She was no longer responding to chemo therapy and had lost a lot of the function in her legs so she was in a wheel chair. It was really hard to see her like that. Her hair was short (it grew back after having fallen out because of chemo) and she needed help doing most things. It was really difficult to see her. I knew when I saw her show up that this would be the last time I would see her. She wore a blue dress which made her beautiful blue eyes stand out. Although she looked strange being in a wheelchair she was gorgeous.

Everyone has always said I look like my aunt. On my recent vacation to South Carolina my mom and I visited my great aunt Judi. The first thing she said to me when I walked in the door was I look just like Laura. When I was younger, whenever we would go back to visit everyone in Iowa (where most of my extended family lives), my mom would get caught up in calling me Laura for at least a few weeks after we got home.

Laura was the only aunt I connected with on a personal level. She's the only one that didn't judge me or give me strange looks because I was fat, didn't dress the way everyone else and was constantly changing (style, religion, my mind etc...). She asked me "why?" She talked to me about my spirituality and listened. I love her. I miss her. I think about her everyday. Every once in a while the emotion of losing her catches up to me and I cry.

Last year for my 25th birthday my mom bought me my first tattoo (seen above). I got it in memory of Laura (and her mom, my grandmother). It is the Susan G. Komen breast cancer ribbon and the quote: "You as much as anyone else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." It's a Buddha quote. I chose it to remind myself I am worth it and need to take care of myself. Every time I look at it, Laura pops into my head.

I miss my aunt every day but I know she's around :) This is the song I listen to when I want to calm myself down. Sometimes I cry when I think of Laura. But this song makes me change my mind.

Settling In My New Space

2011-11-08T19:32:00.000-08:00

Whew!! A weekend of work and moving and I am BEAT! I've moved into my new apartment and although we are not completely moved in (I still have to unload my old storage unit) I feel at peace. The first thing I did after the move day was over, was set up my witchy room. I wanted to establish a sacred space immediately. So, I set up my altar, lit incense and candles asap. I also cleansed the upstairs rooms (my witchy room and the master bedroom).

As the life of an imperfect pagan happens.... things did NOT fall into place for my big cleansing plan. I worked the morning of moving and had only an hour to get from work to the bank to the leasing office and THEN do the cleansing ritual. I did not have enough time to say the least. Not to mention I had been anxious (shaking internally and mind racing) for 2 days! I was in no physical shape or mindset to preform a cleansing ritual. I decided (smartly, I might add) that I would take the time to cleanse once everything was inside the apartment. This way, I can cleanse the space and the items being placed in the space. The cleansing of the upstairs has made a tremendous difference. My boyfriend came home after I had cleansed and said: Whoa! Did you cleanse or something? Because it feels a lot lighter up here! I LOVE that he can feel those things :)

I set my altar up for Samhain but this time I geared it more toward the ancestors. I have items on my altar like a rosary and picture of the virgin Mary on a necklace (my family is largely Catholic). I also placed a watch belonging to my Jaji (grandpa) and a sparkly broach belonging to my great Aunt Dorothy. I also placed pictures of my Jaji, Grandpa, Grandma Mary and Aunt Laura on the altar. I still have Inanna and Demuzi as my god and goddess candles. I'm pretty sure I will have my Samhain altar up until after Thanksgiving (at least). Right now, I like the silence of the season. I feel like there is a pause right now. I like it.

OMGDS! I wanted to share something AWESOME with you! Look at what I got!

I have been waiting for this deck for a YEAR!! It's FINALLY HERE! My great friend Amandapearl alerted my to the availability of the deck and I ordered it on sight! It took a week and a half to get to me but I now own it! I will most likely make a video about it, why I love it and what's so cool about it. Haha. I'm like a kid in a candy store!

Ok... As much as I want to stay awake I can't muster the energy. I need to go to sleep. Tomorrow is a long day. Hopefully now, I will be able to blog a little more and have more to blog about!

Just out of curiosity.... do you have any questions for me or topic suggestions? Let me know!

Blessings!

My Samhain Experience

2011-11-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

Ancestor altar at the
Druid ritual
I attended

This Samhain was so wonderful. At first I was disappointed. I went to a witches ball for a ritual and some dancing. The ritual was not inspiring at all. It was Wiccan in nature and to be honest, I wasn't feeling it. I'm not going to bad mouth the person that preformed the ritual. That wouldn't be fair. I just simply didn't feel anything when I was there. It was far too distracting.

I thought all was lost and my Samhain was over! Not only had my Samhain plans been squashed but the ritual I decided to attend was just not good. THEN I was saved by the Druids! I spoke with some Druids that were in attendance at the ball and found out they were also going to preform a ritual on the 30th! I was amped!

Part of the reason I was so bummed about the Witches Ball was, it was my boyfriends first ritual and nothing happened! I wanted him to feel something. I wanted him to understand why I love going to rituals so much. Now he was going to have another chance to experience the gods and the lifting veil of Samhain. The Druid Ritual was fantastic!

The experience I wanted to talk about is this: We were outside as the sun was setting. The temperature was in the low 40's high 30's. Needless to say it was chilly! As we were invoking the deities of the occasion, the nature spirits, the ancestors etc I had my hands outside of my shawl open to receive the energy we were bringing into our ritual. As we were doing this, my hands (which are normally cold, even in the summer) were comfortably warm in the chilly air. During the ritual my hands were warm and once we reached the end and began thanking all the spirits and deities for their presence my hands began to get colder and colder.

This experience was not surprising to me but I had not felt that before. I've felt energy in different ways during ritual. I suppose the biggest reason I noticed this was because of the big difference in temperature between the air and my hands. Anyway... I wanted to write down this awesome experience to share it and not forget :)

Blessings!!

Merging the Witchy and the Mundane

2011-11-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

As some of you may already know, I will be moving this coming weekend. Don't worry! I'm not going far. I am only moving back to my hometown into a place of my own. I will be moving in with my boyfriend, Jason (it would be more accurate to say he is coming with me). My mind is whirling around with ideas for my new home, witchy room, lifestyle and the lot. My biggest goal will be to combine my witchy practice with my mundane life so that eventually, they will be one in the same.

I will finally be able to cleanse and purify my home the way I want. I will have the opportunity to place protection and enchantments in my home from the very beginning. At last I will be able to claim my space from the beginning!

My biggest projects will be creating a pentacle very much like the one seen to the right and placing it at each entrance (with a very specific protection spell put into it). The goal is to protect my home from those that would mean me any harm (both physical and non-pysical). Also, I want to bring nature inside. You know the vibe I'm going for....

... a quaint green witches cottage with herbs drying from a hook in the kitchen. There are oils being infused in a dark cabinet, special loose leaf tea blends in gorgeous, eclectic containers on the kitchen counter. There are candles on the tables, in the sconces on the wall and in beautiful configurations surrounding the living space. During the fall it smells like apples and falling leaves. In the oven are special cookies (made for this months esbat) baking in the oven. The magick is amplified by all the small altars and trinkets placed just so around the house.

THAT is what I want :)

This is so F-ING SCARY!

I will also be doing things like sealing mirrors and windows. Mirrors and windows are portals to the other realms. One of my biggest fears is seeing something in a mirror that should not be there. The thought of my reflection moving when I am not moving, the thought of someone or something being on the other side, looking back at me unaware and anything else you can think of involving mirrors.

The way that was taught to me to seal a mirror and/or windows is quite simple:

   1. Get a grase pencil/lip liner/eye liner/lip gloss
   2. Draw a small protective symbol like a pentacle, triquetra or anything else you can think of
   in the upper corner (left or right, whatever feels best)
   3. You may want to say your intention out loud as you draw the symbol
   4. Leave the symbol written on the mirror for a moon cycle and then wipe it clean
   5. Use your sense as to how often you need to refresh the seal

Before I even move a box inside I will be preforming a cleansing ritual. I will try to film at LEAST the preparations of my ritual. I feel like most of it should be private but I think it is perfectly fine to let you know the motions I will be going through to cleanse. The words involved in a ritual like this are very personal so I will not be sharing that with you. I hope to preform a house cleansing as a monthly Dark Moon ritual.

I will also be creating a list later today of all my goals for the coming year. I was told that Samhain is a good time to make a list of goals (mostly involving my spiritual path) and try to reach those goals during the year. One of these goals would surely be to preform a cleansing ritual for every Dark Moon.

One of my personal goals will be to update my blog more often. I suck at blogging but I am hoping to make it more of a habit. So keep checking back! There will be more to come.

Blessings!!

Spiritual Path: Things Have Their Place

2011-10-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

Recently, I made a video on my YouTube account. I had mentioned in this video, that as part of my move, I took down my altar and my protection jar spell to pack it up. The few nights I've stayed in the apartment without those items in place made me feel vulnerable. Shortly after the video was posted, I received a lovely comment from another YouTuber. The message was sweet, thoughtful and very detailed. In this message, the user expressed concern that I might rely too much on the objects or "things" involved in my practice. I would like to explain myself, because personally I feel this is not the case.

The "Things"

First, let me explain what it is that I took down. The first and possibly most important was my altar. My altar is the sacred center of my home and my practice. This is where I invoke the god and goddess on a daily basis. My altar is the place I keep some of my most sacred objects. I take a great amount of pride in my altar and truly believe it is the "battery" of my home. The altar is a place energy is stored.

The second "thing" was my Hecate shrine. Hecate has helped me greatly with the energies in and around my boyfriends apartment. There is something not as magickal in the area I've been living. I feel as if it's not a good energy. When I first began staying over, I had no altars, no shrines, no protection at all. As the bad energy began to interfere with Jason and I at night, I prayed to Hecate to help get rid of this energy and almost instantly, she put the bad energy at bay and it has not really been hanging around since then.

The third "thing" is my protection jar. I created a protection jar with water, salt and some cleansing and powerful stones to soak up bad energies and cleanse them.

How I Really Feel

In the area I've been living, I feel there is a lot of bad vibes. The people there are not happy, they fall on the lower end of society (ie: money and education) and generally speaking do not focus on the positive. I believe all of their energy combined creates a bad place (especially when it comes to people that are sensitive to that type of thing). The whole area is not as magickal as the rest of the places I've been.

Also, since I've been with my boyfriend, our energies have begun to meld together and our sensitivities are definitely heightened. This being said, I have noticed I am more aware of the spirits and beings he has always been gifted to see. These spirits and beings are not necessarily malicious but most certainly they are not good.

All of these things combined put me in a situation where I felt as if I would need the all extra energy and protection I could muster. These "things," I believe, helped to keep the bad energies at bay. So, when they were taken down I felt vulnerable. Now, this does NOT mean I wasn't able to conjure up some energy and protection when I felt that way. As soon as I felt a little scared and open to the elements so to speak, I prayed and surrounded myself and the room I sleep in, in a white light.

A Final Thought

Magick is everywhere. Energy is everywhere. I can feel it in most places I go. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad. The author if the message to me on YouTube mentioned feeling a tingly sensation when there is magick in a place (especially when said magick has been placed there by you). When the tingly sensation begins to disappear, this person does another spell to keep the buzz going.

I agree with this completely. That is how I operate as well. In this specific case, I took down the magick myself. I was not prepared to feel as vulnerable as I did, so when I needed the magick back, I created my own.

As far as "things" are concerned, I believe they are very beneficial to a spiritual practice. They enhance the experience and act as a battery, holding on to energy until we need it. These "things" are not necessary but they certainly help.

To The Author of the Message

I hope this was a little helpful. It was hard to put my thoughts and feelings into words. I greatly appreciated your concern and just wanted to explain myself. You did not offend me at all. It made me re-evaluate my use of objects and allowed me to reflect on how I really see these objects and "things." Thank you for your message! I hope you have a Blessed Samhain!

Things are looking up!

2011-09-08T10:12:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to talk about some awesomeness!

First of all, as most of you already know, I graduated from THE Ohio State University on August 28, 2011! WOOO!! The victory was mildly hollow because the university said I owed them $1,2022! I was perplexed! I had loans and grants to pay for my fees and it was all taken care of. However.... they checked it out and it was an error! I only owe them $56! WEEE!!

THEN my mom has done some looking around and there is a job opening in my city with a group called "HelpLine." Basically, HelpLine helps people in abusive situations, bullying, sexual assault and suicide. I am applying for the position of Suicide Prevention Educator. I would educate people on the signs of depression, suicidal behavior etc. I am so excited for the possibility to help so many people! Things on the front keep getting better and better! Wish me luck!!

Not to mention, Weight Watchers is going pretty well and I've lost 4 pounds! My next weigh in is on Sunday. WOO! My whole life is falling into place and things are going to well :) I'm honestly SO happy :)

WEEE!

1st Day With No Fast Food

2011-09-02T08:36:00.000-07:00

Success!

I made it through my first day of no fast food. It was actually very hard. I found myself craving Taco Bell mostly. I just wanted to go somewhere and get "just a burrito" or "just some chicken nuggets." I resisted my temptation and only ate what I made at home/brought to work.

The other night, I also signed up for Weight Watchers. So, on top of not eating my fast food, take out or delivery, I stayed within my given points for the day! WOOO!!! It's hard. I'm a snacker. Like this morning I had eggs, strawberries and Yoplait yogurt. Now, I want to SNACK! I don't know what to have. The good news is... I'm spending the time I'm craving and blogging, checking weight watchers.com for good snack ideas. By the time I'm done doing all these things It'll probably be time for lunch.

So yeah... I ended up having some Tostitos scoop chips and homemade salsa. It was only 6 points. Not too bad. The GOOD news about weight watchers is you get extra points for the week you can save up, use each day or whatever so I didn't sabotage myself. At least I'm making smart decisions.

I have a Weight Watchers app on my phone that helps me track the food I'm eating. It's a great tool! I'm really pumped and I think I can do this! I am going to get healthier, feel sexier and increase the quality of my life! YAY!!

Pause For Station Identification: Collab Channels and YouTube

2011-08-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

Wooo! I just got done making so many videos for YouTube! I just wanted to let you all know what I'm up to on YouTube, so here we go:

MoonlitOpal

On this channel I talk about my spiritual path. I'm candid and open about what I do, what I think and what I know. This channel is my baby. It's how I got started on YouTube and has been invaluable in connecting me to my spiritual community and helping me make lifelong friends.

Journey Thru The Temple

This channel is a collaboration channel I am apart of. On this channel myself and the contributors are going through the book: "The Inner Temple of Witchcraft: Magick, Meditation and Psychic Development" by Christopher Penczak. This process will take us 13 moon cycles (1 cycle per lesson) which ends up being about a year. This is a place I can be open and honest about my movement forward in the path of witchcraft. I LOVE this channel to death and am so happy and proud to be a part of it :)

Sacrificing to Gain

This channel begins tomorrow (September 1, 2011). I've already made my intro and prelude to the sacrifice video. Basically, each month, the contributors and I sacrifice something in order to better our lives. This month we are giving up fast food, take out and delivery. It sounds easy but I know I am going to struggle.

This is just a post so you know what I am a part of on YouTube. I'm pretty busy with it these days and I am loving every minute of it!

Blessings! )O(

Plus Sized Blog

2011-08-29T19:55:00.000-07:00

I am having such a hard time typing this blog right now. I've tried to write it many times and nothing seems to be working. I just watched a Dr. Phil episode with two women that were insanely anorexic. It made me sick. These women are so sick and they can't even see it! I feel like the opposite. I feel like I am gigantic (297 lbs) and I want to get thinner but all I see in the mirror is a girl that is bigger than I am and I get depressed so I eat. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm excited though because after today I am starting a month of NO fast food and NO delivery/take out. I will also be aiming to drink the required amount of water per day for a person my size. I will be doing this via the YouTube Channel: Sacrificing to Gain. Every month we will find something to sacrifice in order to gain something else. In this instance I will be sacrificing my fast food habit to gain a healthier lifestyle and also gain money (if I'm not spending, I'll be saving!).

My size has been on my mind a lot lately. It makes me so angry that although I know I am beautiful, every once in a while I begin to think I'm disgusting. Most of this revolves around my stomach. I kind of like my thighs, my butt and my chest. My neck and my stomach are what bother me the most.

My hope is that by simply stopping my intake of fast food and upping my intake of water I will begin to see a difference in my body. Here is my idea of a beautiful body:

Well, I've vented a little.... I think I'll stop for now. Hopefully I won't be obsessing over my physique for long. Thank you for reading. Many Blessings!

Quick and Simple update

2011-08-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

3 days ago I weighed 300.4 lbs. Today I weighed 298.2. Woot!

That is all.

Not a Fan of Living in the Ghetto and Other Randomness

2011-08-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

Me and Jason

I want to blog/journal because The Inner Temple of Witchcraft book suggests that it will benefit my spiritual development. Blogging seems to be easier than writing in a "real" journal so I'm just going to ramble for a bit....

It's almost 11pm and the upstairs neighbors are having a party. I want to blog, get witchy and curl up with my Inner Temple of Witchcraft book but I am unable to concentrate. I've basically moved in with my wonderful boyfriend Jason. I love him more than I can possibly describe without being intensely corny and mushy however, he lives in an area that is not the nicest of places. It can be quite scary at times. Police are here every other day. For what? I'm not sure. All I know is, people are getting arrested.

As the weather cools all I want to do is open my windows and listen to the bugs and owls but all I hear in the city is bumpin sound systems, whooshing cars and alarms going off. Let's not forget the occasional domestic violence screaming back and forth in one of the surrounding apartments. *SIGH* I need to put it out into the universe that I will have a quiet home surrounded by trees, where I can open my windows and not worry about the neighborhood.

I can't really focus anyway because I've had very little sleep this week. Not to mention the sleep I'm getting is broken and uncomfy. Tomorrow I should wake up relatively early to go buy my cap and tassel from the campus bookstore and then go to my graduation practice. After that, I work from for 10 hours :( On SATURDAY, the only day I get to sleep in I can't. I need to get up early to drive to my parents home to help my dad replace the breaks on my car. Hopefully I can catch a nap in the middle of the day. Then sunday I GRADUATE from THE Ohio State University!!!!!!! I'm so EXCITED!

It's taken me SEVEN years but I am finally graduating with a Bachelors degree in Comparative Religion. WOOOO!!!!

OK... this post is way too random and I'm done haha. I am going to go to sleep and hopefully blog more later.

Being a Fat Chick....

2011-08-24T16:25:00.001-07:00

This post might get a little sad... but it has potential to be relieving and helpful. So here goes nothing.

I know I come off as a happy go lucky, confident woman on YouTube. People message me on a regular basis saying they admire that about me. Recently, I made a video and I was on the beach in my swimsuit. Someone made the comment that it was awesome that a girl my size wasn't afraid to be in her swimsuit and how that inspired them to wear a bikini for the first time in a long time. That is amazing! I'm so happy for them. To be honest, when I put on my swimsuit that day I wasn't really thinking about being a girl “my size.” I was too taken by the ocean to think about it. I felt sexy in my swimsuit to be honest.

A few short days later, I find myself crying, upset and constantly thinking about my weight. If I can be 100% honest with you (and this is embarrassing....) the last time I got on the scale I weighed 301.4 lbs.

Wow... typing that temporarily paralyzed my typing. It's shocking to me and incredibly upsetting to me that I've allowed myself to get to this point. I remember when I was 180 lbs and I was crying about being a “fat girl,” in a size 16. That was years ago in high school. So basically.... in almost 8 years I've gained 120lbs. What the HELL?!?

People tell me it's so EASY to lose weight. “Just eat smaller portions!” “Stop drinking soda.” “Cut out the fast food.” “Exercise more, eat less!”

...what NOVEL IDEAS! I appreciate people's concern and advice, however I KNOW what it takes to lose weight. The problem for any person that is overweight/obese is not that they don't know what it takes to lose weight. It's that they don't know where to begin. They feel like they've dug themselves into a hole SO deep “What's another Inch? Foot? Mile?” How do you get out of a hole so deep you can't just climb out? You need someone to throw you a rope, toss down a ladder or help fill the hole back in. Someone needs to be on the ground at the top of the hole helping you get out. If you don't have that you're doomed to fall back down making it worse on yourself. (At least... that's my experience).

For me... I sabotage myself. I do so well and then one day I let my cravings get the best of me and a large pizza disappears in front of me. I'll go through a Cold Stone Creamery, by a Gotta Have It! size (order 2 or 3 spoons so they don't think it's all for me) and go home and eat it all. Of course that is followed by extreme guilt and a bath. Not sure why I take baths. Maybe it's a way to cleanse myself of what just happened. It never works. But for real that's what I do. I eat TONS of fast food. I blame it on the fact that I don't have enough money to buy healthy groceries. I know it's just an excuse.

SIGH!! The other day my wonderful boyfriend, Jason, wanted to go out to eat and see a movie. He took me to Red Lobster and to see Captain America. The whole evening I was feeling fat, disgusting, ugly, not worth it, etc. During dinner he would make comments about the other women around us like: “Wow that girl is way too skinny! She needs to eat a steak.” “What ever happened to 'real shaped' women?” “I like the way YOU look.” “You're beautiful.” He was trying so hard to make me feel better. He wouldn't give up either. I appreciated it and I LOVE him for it but it was and still is a little hard for me to fathom how someone could ever find me pretty let alone sexy. After dinner we went to the movie and I felt incredibly self conscious (especially since I just ate seafood covered in butter). I was in a black and white floral maxi dress and my arms/shoulders were showing. I was obviously upset because he kept asking me what was wrong. Gods love him, he kept trying to cheer me up.

We were playing video games before the movie and when we ran out of tokens we decided to walk to the theater. Before we got there, we found a photo booth and decided to give it a shot. We both couldn't fit in it, but we tried. I ended up sitting on his lap and I was unable to comfortably fit in the camera frame. All I could do was laugh to keep from crying. I saw the pictures and how fat my face was and how much bigger I looked in comparison to my 300+lb 6'8 boyfriend. I hated all the pictures. Jason said: “I love the first one. You're laughing and your smile is so beautiful. Actually, I love them all!”

I couldn't get my opinions out of my head. So I ignored his. We walked into the theater and he put his arm around me and I cuddled close to him. As we're just sitting there waiting for the previews I found myself holding back tears. I felt like every whisper, every laugh, every person in the theater was judging me. I didn't hold the tears back long. I cuddled next to Jason and cried softly. He noticed. He wanted to know what was wrong but I knew if I talked about it out loud I would lose control. I waited until the movie was over and told him exactly what was wrong: I was thinking about how gross I felt.

I still feel gross. I feel unattractive, unmotivated and hopeless. How do I even begin to lose weight? How do I muster up the self motivation to do it? How do I get rid of the excuses? How do I find the support group I need to do this? I need an accountabilibuddy. Someone like they have in AA. I am so sick of being fat and I'm sick of being sick of it. I'm tired of my excuses and I'm tired to the pounds piling on! I don't want to be a stick. I don't want to be “thin.” I want to be healthy! I would be THRILLED to weigh 200 lbs... but that is 100lbs away. :(

Where do I go from here and how do I begin? I have no idea.

The Best Day EVER! (published June 4, 2011)

2011-08-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

The Following is from a Note a wrote on Facebook.

If you're only interested in the "Rapture Guy vs. Thor vs. Anglican priest" section, scroll down a few paragraphs. If not and you REALLY care about my WHOLE DAY ... read the whole thing :)

So today was the best day ever. Let me begin in the AM....

I woke up around 8:30am and got in the shower and on the move before 9:15. I was feeling beautiful and happy already! I hopped in the car and drove to Wal*Mart to get some toiletries. On my way to Wal*Mart, I received a Skype call from my excellent Aussie friend Brendan! We talked, caught up, B.Sed and he gave me a wonderful tarot reading. I spoke with him for 2.5 hrs! I went to Wal*Mart, got my items (And didn't buy extra stuff!!!) then drove through Tim Hortons and got a breakfast #1 with an Iced Capp and drove home. I then let the dog out, sat on the awesome chairs and ate my breakfast while talking to Brendan.

As I was eating my breakfast and talking I noticed a doe (a deer. A female deer) walking through the back yard. She saw me, but she didn't run away! She just chilled in the back yard. It was so awesome to see her up close and not freaking out. I was enjoying the beautiful weather. It was low 70's with a nice breeze and sunshine everywhere! After I hung up with Brendan I went inside to charge my phone and cleanse my sacred space in my room and make a few youtube videos. After talking to some more friends on skype and the phone, I got ready for work.

At work:

I got to work and was PUMPED because I worked with Matt and Caitlin! Plus, Meera gave me the good news that things were not quite so busy plus she left me with a decent store. Life was good. ...It was about to get better! Matt and I rocked it out, cleaned some things and I ordered my awesome Chicken and Broccoli Pasta from Ruby Tuesdays when Caitlin walked in.

Around 6:30 an old guy came in. He was creepy and looked like he would either steal from me or kill me. When he started rummaging through his pockets... I was ready for anything except what was about to happen. As he was looking for his money, he pulled out his phone. As he set it on the counter, he triggered his music player. What was he playing? ADELE!!!! I was like: "What?! You like ADELE?!" He was like: "Yeah! She's great! She has that song called 'Turning Tables' and Gweneth Paltrow sang it on GLEE!!" I was floored! What were the odds?!

A few minutes later a guy comes in that bears a resemblance to Thor from the new movie. He ordered a decaf coffee and sits down in the front chair. Shortly after that, we get a Drive Thru order. Caitlin pointed out it's the RAPTURE GUY in the RAPTURE VAN! Sure enough, I look back and I can see the old words they had plastered all over their truck have been crudely scraped off and at a second glance, I recognized his face. I fought my instinct to ask him questions and let him go... but fate was on my side!

The Rapture Van pulled up to the front door as Thor came up to get a refill. As Thor came up, Caitlin and I were getting excited about potentially shooting a photo of the new and improved "post-rapture van." Thor asked us what was going on and we briefly described our situation. Thor roared (almost literally): "Is that, that Harold Camping bullshit? You can't do any accurate math with the Bible because the Bible is an incomplete cannon! blah blah blah." Then, silence because Rapture Guy came inside! His son needed to use the bathroom. As he used the restroom, I decided I was going to go for it. I was going to ask him about his post rapture feelings.

Thor walked back up to his chair and Rapture Guy came out as another customer walked in. Caitlin handled the new customer while I spearheaded the Rapture Guy conversation. It began pleasantly. Rapture Guy was answering all my questions and I was being 100% objective and respectful. Then Thor came up and butts in. He starts on his "The Bible is an unfinished cannon and Harold Camping is an idiot!" spiel. So now IT'S ON TIL THE BREAK OF DAWN! Rapture Guy vs. Thor! I just listened. It was getting a little too cut throat for me. Meanwhile, other customer was just standing back with his iced coffee listening to Thor and Rapture Guy go at it. The following intervention went like this:

Thor: Well all I'm saying is that during the Council of Nicea who put the Bible together? huh? I mean....

Other Customer: SIR! You need to get your history straight! *walks over to Thor*

Thor: What do you mean?

Other Customer: I'm an Anglican Priest! And I know my history!......

Rapture Guy: *shocked face*

Me: *also shocked face*

So now it's Thor vs. the ANGLICAN PRIEST!! (??? wtf?!?!)

Meanwhile Rapture Guy and I finish our conversation (for more information on Rapture Guy please ask me) and life continues. After Anglican Priest guy leaves, Thor goes back to his seat and I speak with him briefly about books not in the Bible and religion in general.

THEN Natalie and Sarah come in and tell me they won a radio contest and they get covergirl makeovers AND meet Taylor Swift!!

Next, a couple came in. I recognized them from the Rapture day! They were from Findley and they came in and we talked about the rapture, religion and paganism etc... We had similar religious beliefs so it was a really awesome conversation. They came in today and I told them I was having the best day EVER! They smiled at each other and said: "Well we only came in to give you this." She pulled a book out of her bag. SHE BOUGHT "The Spiral Dance" by Starhawk!! She just GAVE it to me!! WHAT!?!?!? It really was the best day ever! What a way to end the day! I worked with awesome people, great customers came in and good things happened all around! WHAT AN AMAZING DAY!!!!!

Poem: You Don't Know Me

2011-08-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

You don't know me

You think you see what's in me,

You have no estimation

Judging me while sipping your tea

Your faultless faith is only mutation

You have no estimation

You know not what's in my head

Judging me while sipping your tea

Telling me I'll be damned when I'm dead

You know not what's in my head

Stop telling me I'm doomed, I'm wrong

Telling me I'll be damned when dead

Stop telling me I'm weak, I'm strong.

Stop telling me I'm doomed, I'm wrong

You don't act much like Jesus

Stop telling me I'm weak. I'm strong.

Attacking me only shows weakness.

You don't act much like Jesus,

Judging me while sipping your tea,

Attacking me only shows weakness.

You think you see what's in me.

Feeling like myself again!

2011-03-12T15:50:00.000-08:00

WHEW!!! What a past few weeks! Too much has happened but let me give you a bullet point summary:

I felt really pretty so I took a picture of myself
in the bathroom. It's lame I know, but I
was feeling HOT. :)

I moved
All of my kitties have been given to the pet store except for Migalo (my parents adopted him)
I only have one more term of school left
I've begun to open up and be myself again!

I am slowly but surely coming out of the shell I placed myself into for 3 years. I am feeling things I haven't felt in a long time and reconnecting with people I haven't seen in a long time. I'm feeling slightly more confident in myself and potentially starting my own online Tarot reading website.

It feels good to feel again. I still have a long way to go for sure but I'm feeling pretty good at the moment :)

Transition: Take 1

2011-02-24T14:44:00.000-08:00

Me and my mom at the
OSU vs. Wisconsin game '09

So I have officially moved into my parents house. I am so awesome like that. We are cleaning out the old apartment and packing up boxes. My mom has been a total blessing throughout this whole ordeal. I've been experiencing major anxiety and depression (generally speaking) and she's pushing me and not judging me. She's just there with a smile on her face and love in her heart helping me every step of the way. She means the world to me. I don't think I could do this without her.
Saturday is the big day. We're going in and getting EVERYTHING out and putting it in a storage locker. So I'm prepping myself for that. Hopefully everything will be cleaned and painted by the end of Monday evening.

Raja hanging with me while I did
my first Tarot spread ever.

Wednesday I plan on driving to see Amandapearl's house and dropping off my kitties Penny and Lucy. I still need to find a home for Migga and Raja. It's very hard to say goodbye to them. They are so sweet. The kittens have been taken care of. A sweet girl adopted Dobby a few weeks ago and the other three have been taken in by a pet store around here called Petland. They are SO nice there. They really understood my connection to the kittens and showed me everything they would go through and where they would be staying. I went in two days after I had dropped them off and Bellatrix had already been sold. The lady said she was adopted that morning by a newly wed couple. They were buying their first animal together and they bought the biggest piece of cat furniture they had. That made me happy.

Generally I am in the middle of my transition. It will all be over soon. I can't wait to finally be able to breathe! I feel so anxious and disoriented right now. That is surely one of the reasons I haven't been writing recently. The other is: I am looking into Grad School. This means I have a lot of appointments to make and thinking to do. There are so many potential areas of study I can go into. There are also many universities I could attend. Some I'm thinking of at the moment: Penn State, Chicago, Virginia, Indiana, and of course, my Alma Mater: THE Ohio State University. My area of study would depend on the university I was accepted to but it all revolves around my passion: Ancient Religion.

I plan on writing a few blogs in the next few days. I have been learning about Ancient Egyptian Mythology and I have discovered a connection I never thought was there to the Egyptian pantheon. I'm not sure if that means a god or goddess is trying to get ahold of me. All I know is: I've opened myself up to the possibility of the Egyptian deities. Sehkmet, The Eye of Ra, Amun and Ma'at are all deities that have begun to stick out to me. We shall see. I'll most likely write about them in future posts.

Anyway... I just wanted to update you all. I have not fallen off the face of the earth (although it would appear that way). More entries to come :)

People trying to convert me again: why do they always find me?!

2011-02-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

This is a rant blog. I am sick and TIRED of Christians trying to convert me. I'm like a Jesus magnet! I don't understand why the hell they always find me! For example:

Pamphlet I received from the church kids.

I was working the other night. A group of young teens came in. There were approximately seven of them. As I am making one of their drinks (and btw... it's REALLY noisy because I work at a coffee shop and steaming milk is loud). The conversation went pretty close to this:

Girl: Can I ask you a forward question?
Me: Um... sure?
Girl: Do you believe in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
Me: No.
Girl: Why not?
Me: I don't get Christianity. It's never made sense to me. I've tried to make sense of it and I can't.
Girl: So are you an atheist?
Me: No. I believe in a divine power. I just don't believe anyone died for my sins. I don't think it's necessary. I believe we all go to the same place when we die.
Girl: So when you die and you are standing next to a murder, that's ok with you?
Me: Yes. I don't believe the actual soul of the person is a murderer. We all come here to learn and part of some people's learning experience is to be a murderer. So I really don't think it matters in the afterlife.
Boy in the group: So what do you think happens when you die?
Me: You come back and learn another lesson. I believe in reincarnation.....

The inside of the pamphlet.

The conversation went on like this for a while until I finally said:

Me: Listen. I respect your religious belief. I don't think you're wrong but I don't believe you're the only truth. If Christianity is THE truth and I've been staring at it for years and I just don't get it, I don't think God will be mad at me for truly not understanding. I'm not about to accept something blindly. So I respect your passion but I'm not interested.
Guy: Here's this card. Maybe you should read it.
Girl: What's your name?
Me: Michelle.
Girl: Michelle. Nice yo meet you Michelle. *stars at me with a creepy Jesus vibe* Michelle.

The kids then exit and get into their van. As they drove away I could just feel them having a prayer circle praying for the salvation of my poor pagan soul. I think they thought I was a satan worshiper because I had my triple moon pentacle on. They only asked me these questions. Not the other girl. She didn't look any more or less Christian than I did. So again I ask, why am I a magnet for conversion?! It pisses me off.

Honestly, I don't care about your good news because your good news is exclusive of other people and at its core is selfish and dirty. I don't appreciate it and I would rather you spread your good news in other ways. I don't come to your place of employment and ask you if you believe in the god and goddess. I don't come to you out of the blue and ask: "Do you believe in reincarnation? Why not? Well here's a pamphlet."

It's also a very rude way to approach someone. Then you hand me a card with bullshit information on it like THAT piece of paper is the missing piece between me and Jesus.

I tolerate other people and accept other religions but I can only be nice about this so long before I snap. I'm waiting for the day when someone asks me this question and I just come back at them with: "Do you believe in the god and goddess? why not? The evidence is all around you. You're stupid not to see it! Well since you don't believe it I guess you'll burn in........ well I don't believe in hell, so I guess nothing bad will happen to you because it doesn't matter in the long run."

As I write this blog I am listening to two people sitting across from me. They are Christians and talking about how to make other Christians stronger and what kinds of exercises they can use to convert others. I'm not making that up. That's part of the reason I started writing this blog. Listening to them was making me so angry. The guy keeps looking over at me. I have my necklace hanging proudly outside my shirt (not to mention I have my Christopher Penczak book and the Egyptian Book of the Dead on my table). I hope he doesn't talk to me. But on the other side of the coin, I hope he does. We'll see....

Fire Dance: a poem for Brid

2011-02-02T10:46:00.000-08:00

Fire Dance: a poem for Brid

The snow is falling out of the gloom

Ice covers the ground placing earth in a tomb

No leaves on the trees, no song in the air

The bitter cold winter strips everything bare

In the midst of the gloom I can see a dim glow

Deep in the snowy forest a firey halo.

A maiden is dancing 'round the fire bright

Her red-golden hair brushed with soft moon light.

As she dances to the sound of a drum unseen

She raises her hands to the sky and sings

Her feet move swiftly her motions are grace

The smile of the sun is in her face

There is something in the air I'm sure

as the forest comes alive and animals stir

She dances 'round the fire so warm and sweet

and flowers begin to bloom at her feet

I look into her gaze and she sends me a grin

I close my eyes and love fills me within

As swift as her dance she dissolves into air

But I am sure of what I saw there

I'll never forget her firey hair

I cannot see her but I know she's still there

She's calling to life the animals and plants

Ending the cold of winter and but never ending her dance.

-Fire Dance: a poem for Brid by Michelle Mendel

Imbolc Blessings!

2011-02-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

Year and a Day: Creation

2011-02-02T09:47:00.000-08:00

Creation

Questions: How did life come to be? Do you believe in the Big Bang? Evolution? Creation? What were the rolls of the god and goddess if any?

I believe the Big Bang (or something very similar) was a divine act used to create the universe (not just earth). It is also within reason to believe that we didn't start as the kind of human we are now. Perhaps we, as souls, came down as other beings and animals etc to experience that. Eventually we became what we are today and with these new minds we began to think, philosophize, etc.

I believe we were created with the purpose of experiencing life on earth. As spirits we can't be whole because we haven't experienced everything. So I believe we all chill on the other side and map out a general outline of our lives and then come on down to live it. We do this over and over and over again (reincarnation) until we've fulfilled our course work. It's like college. Some people major in engineering and other major in history. Your life experiences depend on your "major."

I believe the god and goddess are everywhere. I believe they are everything and nothing. They are in everything and can be found everywhere. They reside on earth, in the universe, on other planets and in the heavens. They are in this realm and other realms. With this said, I don't know if I believe if they had an active role in the creation of the universe. Maybe the big bang happened, but what we call the god and goddess were the driving force behind the big bang. I'd have to think about this more.

My new Anthem :)

2011-01-31T15:39:00.000-08:00

The day before....

2011-01-31T13:02:00.000-08:00

So it's Monday January 31, 2011, the day before my final hearing for the disillusionment. I was shuffling cards for today and this is what fell out of the deck:

WOOT! I don't know about you, but when I shuffle and cards jump out, I've found that they are meant for you. How appropriate! Sudden change and celebration! Right after this, a girl I work with switched shifts with me so I can have tomorrow night OFF! So I can celebrate with friends :)

These cards are so perfect for my situation. I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I was when I saw them!

On another note, I am going to study some astrology and begin reading my new book. This is something I am going to actually accomplish. There are always books we read with exercises and things like that. How often do we actually do these exercises? Do we take the required time to preform them? One example is Dorothy Morrison's book The Craft. There are tons of exercises in there to get aquainted with your tools and yourself. Honestly, I read them and thought: "Oooo that sounds cool." But I never did them. So, with that said I am about to embark on a journey with my next book. Something I've never done before seriously.

The book I am about to read is The Temple of Shanic Witchcraft: Shadows, Spirits and the Healing Journey by Christopher Penczak. This book was recommended to me by my teacher. So I am going to begin the journey after my dedication. This book is takes you on a year and a day journey (which is PERFECT for me) and the more I read the introduction, the more I realize how meaningful this type of witchcraft is to my current state of being.

It looks like an awesome opportunity I honestly didn't know existed. The key will be to work on whats given to me AS it is given. This is meant to take a year and a day. So I will do it that way. I don't plan on reading ahead (unless he instructs me to do so). There are 13 chapters so thats roughly 1 chapter every 3-4 weeks.

I'm excited to begin my journey. So let's get this party started!

Ooo! I got the Death Card!

2011-01-27T12:01:00.000-08:00

Dobby wouldn't get out of the way when I
was picking my cards for the day. He's such
a good Tarot helper!

Today I pulled the Death card! Oooo! Today is all about rebirth, change and flat out death of the old. YES! I wouldn't be surprised if I pulled this card everyday until Tuesday.

I am so excited. My life is about to change and I'm just waiting like a little kid the day before school! I'm packing and re-packing my back pack making sure all my new school supplies are ready. In the meantime I'm blogging, studying, writing a dedication ritual and working. Woot!

More fun with songs and Zodiac signs!

2011-01-27T11:13:00.000-08:00

This list took me 2 hours to compile! WHEW! But I was on a kick and I wanted to find songs that went with each zodiac sign. I chose 4 songs per sign (because I'm a Libra and I couldn't pick just one!) I tried to cover the positive and negative aspects of each sign. If you haven't heard one of the songs I suggest you look it up on YouTube or look up the lyrics online. I don't have the time of patience to put all the links here. Although I will put the "main" song next to each sign. Let me know what you think! I also encourage you to make up your own lists! YAY!

Aries

Imma Be - The Black Eyed Peas

I have Confidence - Julie Andrews (The Sound of Music)

Breakout - The Foo Fighters

#1 - Nelly

Taurus

Grenade - Bruno Mars

Money, Money, Money - Abba

You're what you own- Rent

The Lazy Song - Bruno Mars

Gemini

My Parties by Dire Straits

Friends in Low Places - Garth Brooks

Time - Hootie and the Blowfish

Backstabber - Ke$ha

Cancer

What hurts the most - Rascal Flats

Crawling - Linkin Park

Poker Face- Lady Gaga

Home - Daughtry

Leo

Rockstar - Smashmouth

I'm too sexy for my shirt - Right Said Fred

Bodies - Drowning Pool

Like I love you - Justin Timberlake

Virgo

Hollaback girl - Gwen Stefani

Worrisome Heart - Melody Gardot

Perfect - Simple Plan

Bad Day- Fuel

Libra

Kind of a Girl - Tinted Windows

Hot n Cold - Katy Perry

Hate that I Love you - Rihanna feat Ne-yo

Unwell - Rob Thomas

Scorpio

Lil Freak - Usher

Ring the Alarm - Beyonce

He loves me, he loves you not - Dream

It Makes me ill - Nysnc

Sagittarius

So happy I could die - Lady Gaga

You can't stop the beat- Hairspray

Shut up and Let me Go! -The Ting Tings

Why not? - Hillary Duff

Capricorn

Fighter - Christina Aguliera

Take Me Home - Phil Collins

We Never Change - Coldplay

Apologize -One Republic

Aquarius

Let the Drummer Kick - Citizen Cope

A Song to Sing - Hanson

Wanna Be - Spice Girls

Where's the love? - Hanson

Pisces

Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory

All that I am - Rob Thomas

Obvious - Christina Aguliera

My Immortal - Evanesence

A little fun with music and Libras

2011-01-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

I was listening to this song and I thought: OMGDS! This is a perfect song to describe a Libra! Lol. It's kind of a joke, but kinda serious too. We're so indecisive!

Here is the song: (Get over the fact that it's a Hanson Song) It's called Sure About It

Here are the lyrics:

Whoa

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure.

Whoa

Sittin' on the corner of nowhere road.

Just between 'i wish I could',

And 'i don't know'.

Rain is splashing up between her toes.

She doesn't know her own area code

She's the picture of a heart of gold.

On the edge of depression i note.

And a picture of the wrong high road.

Now it's too late for a fight or foe.

Now she's lookin' at me to know.

The faucet's runnin'

And my car got towed.

(chorus)

I'm sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I do surely doubt it

I wish that I could say

That I was sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure.

Whoa.

Did you see the man

With the cocaine load?

It's on sale for the price of your soul

And a man with a long trench coat

Wish I could hide in a big black hole.

Sell you all your pain 10-fold.

And you're calling out a long, wrong road.

Fitted for the box they mold

All you're missing is a heart they stole.

They're lookin' at me to know.

My heart is pumpin' and my feet got cold.

I'm sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I do surely doubt it

I wish that I could say

That I was sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure.

Yeah.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not

Yeah

Sure.

I'm sure that I'm not

Sure.

You know, oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh huh.

Sittin' on the corner of nowhere road.

Just between 'i wish I could', and 'i don't know'.

There's a man with a long trench coat.

Wish I could hide in a big black hole.

They're lookin' at me to know.

My heart is pumpin' and my feet got cold.

I'm sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I do surely doubt it

I wish that I could say

That I was sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure.

Yeah.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I do surely doubt it

I wish that I could say

That I was sure about it.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure about it.

Yeah.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure

That I'm not

Yeah.

You know, oh yeah.

I'm definitely sure,

That I'm not sure

Oh yeah.

Inanna: The original badass goddess

2011-01-25T09:26:00.000-08:00

Inanna: The original badass goddess

Ancient relief of Inanna.

I've been learning about Ancient Mesopotamian Myth in school recently. The past few classes we've really focused on Inanna. Most of us know her from the chant: "Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna."But what do we really know about her? Well, I want to talk about her! So let's find out how awesome she is!

Inanna is the original badass goddess (in my opinion). She originated in ancient Mesopotamia as the goddess of sexual love, fertility of humans and animals. She is a protectress of women especially at night. That is why you will sometimes hear she is the goddess of prostitutes. This is not because she is a prostitute herself (although that could be argued). It is because at night, women were more vulnerable to attack and the kinds of women out after dark were typically prostitutes or other "women of the night." Inanna was known as the morning and evening star. This was seen as her presence watching over these women. Inanna is also known as a goddess of war. She was a fierce goddess that would protect and fight

Modern day depiction of
Inanna. She was often
associated with Lions.

for you if you loved her and honored her.

Despite the fact that Inanna is a goddess of fertility and sex, she is NOT a mother or womb goddess. To be honest, most of the mother and womb goddess' in ancient mesopotamia were interchangeable (like the Pussycat Dolls). They all eventually faded from memory. But Inanna outlasted all of them. She was picked up by other cultures and was re-named but it was still the great Inanna.

She was loved by EVERYONE in ancient Mesopotamia. Kings were ritually married to her every year (sort of like Beltane). Queens were Inanna incarnate. Everywhere you went, Inanna was worshiped there.

Now, other than the fact that she's the goddess of pretty much everything, why is she such a badass?

One of the most famous myths involving Inanna is Inanna's Descent. In this myth, Inanna decided she wants to take over the underworld so she journey's to the underworld, but she has a plan! She tells her page Ninshubur that if she's not back in 3 days to alert 3 gods (Enlil, Nanna, and Enki). It was impossible (IMPOSSIBLE) for anyone (even a god) to come out of the underworld after they had entered. However, Inanna had the guts to try. She dressed up and made her way to the underworld. They let her in but she had to take off all of her clothes and as she entered she was crouched over (this is the traditional way people were buried when they died). This is a strange way to see a goddess. She is for all intents and purposes, dead when she enters the underworld.

"The Anunnaki, the seven judges, rendered judgement to her face, their verdict was a verdict griping the bowels, they cried out against her, it was the call for punishment! Killed she was, and turned into a slab of tainted meats, and the slab of tainted meat a man hung from a peg." -Inanna's Descent

So Inanna enters the underworld, she is stripped, killed and literally hung up as a dead corpse. After 3 days her page Ninshubur alerts the gods. Enki is the only one that agrees to help. He sends some asecual creatures down to get her. When they arrived, they threw the grass and the waters of life on Inanna's corpse and she rose from the underworld. This is unheard of! She wasn't allowed to leave scott-free though. She needed to find a replacement. So demons were sent out after her to find someone to take her place.

First they asked to take her page. Inanna said no because her page had followed orders and was in mourning for her. They then came to her beautician. Inanna said no because her beautician he had mourned her as well. They asked her for more people but she refused because they all mourned her while she was gone. They then came upon Inanna's husband Dumuzi. He was NOT mourning. So she said they could take him. Dumuzi was taken to the underworld. Later, Inanna would feel bad for doing what she did and then came to an arrangement where she would spend half the year in the underworld and Dumuzi would spend the other half in the underworld.

I'm sorry but I feel like that story is just badass. She goes to the underworld and is then comes out! She is quite literally the goddess of everything you can imagine. She covers it all. Not to mention she is very kind and very protective of her followers.

I have to be honest. I have not discovered who my goddess truly is, but I am having a love affair with Inanna right now. She is awesome and I will honor her for all her awesomeness. She is the first spice girl. The first woman to wear pants. She is the woman that refused to be treated with disrespect and EVERYONE loved her.

I got an award!!

2011-01-25T08:17:00.000-08:00

I was awarded the Stylish Blogger Award!

Thank you MissBKraft!

I don't follow many blogs, so I'll have to award others later :) But thank you so much! This means a lot!

My Tarot Decks

2011-01-24T13:15:00.000-08:00

I wanted to do a post showcasing my Tarot decks and my opinions on them. The Tarot is an amazing tool to work with and I've started to find it easier and easier to work with different decks. With that said:

Universal Waite Tarot Deck

This is my primary deck. I absolutely love this deck. It's a Rider-Waite Clone deck. (Want me to say "deck" again? Deck). I call it "Rider-Waite in HD." Because in all honesty, it's a clearer version of the Rider-Waite deck. This deck is awesome because it can apply to any and all situations. It's an all purpose deck and has a wide range of topics, areas of life and energies it can explain. I would recommend everyone to have this deck. It's a great base deck to have. Most decks I come in contact with are some kind of variation on this deck/the Rider-Waite deck. If you understand this deck it makes it so much easier to venture out and learn others. I really enjoy the raw symbolism found in the Universal Waite tarot. The colors are vivid (and symbolic) and the symbols such as white roses, staffs, wreaths, pomegranates, water, etc, make it easy to interpret.

Get a more in-depth look at the Universal Waite cards HERE

The Gilded Tarot

I am also a fan of The Gilded Tarot. I haven't personally met someone that agrees with me. I'm not sure why. The art work is beautiful. I love the astral theme of the deck. It brings in a metaphysical level of interpretation I think is lacking in the Universal Waite deck. This deck is based on the original Rider-Waite. So, after jumping from the Universal Waite to this deck, you can see what I mean when I talk about decks being based on the Rider-Waite model but having their own theme, or having different interpretations (while still being based in the original meanings).

Get a more in-depth look at the Gilded Tarot HERE.

The Bosch Tarot

Wow. Can I say unique?! This deck is AWESOME. It's so surreal and just tickles me pink! It's based of the art work of one of my favorite artists, Hieronymous Bosch. This deck is chalk-full of symbolism and I can almost guarantee you'll find a different meaning for the same card every time you look at it! Ok, that might be an exaggeration but there is always something to discover in these cards. I do feel like this is a deck that should only be used in certain readings (or for a certain kind of person). Not everyone would look fondly on these pictures (even if the message is a positive one!). I must admit, I've mostly only looked at this deck. I have yet to use it full on in my practice. I think this is partly because it is not Rider-Waite based. I have a feeling it is more like the Golden Dawn based decks (like The Thoth Tarot). However, I've recently come to peace with that. I typically use intuition when reading the cards. If I am not getting a clear feeling, I fall on the symbolism. So I feel as if I will begin using this deck more often.

Tarot of the Boroughs

This is my pride and joy! I am so excited to own this deck. I feel blessed. This is a signed copy of the limited edition deck (I have #83 of 150). This deck is surely based on the Rider-Waite model. It is full of full color photos of the New York Boroughs and People. This deck is amazing because the photos are set in the now. They are easily relatable. They're set in places like Art studios (wands), the bar scene (cups), on the streets (swords), and in the office (coins). These are all places where we've had experiences and have emotional ties. So interpreting the pictures is easy. At first, I felt I would have no connection to this deck. I thought that since it was set in New York City I wouldn't "get it." The truth is, it's a universal deck that speaks to people in all walks of life. This is slowly becoming my main personal deck. Who knows? Maybe it will eventually become more of a public reading tool. I LOVE IT!

Here are some extra pictures of the deck:

Here is a link to more information and more pictures

The Thoth Tarot

Ah, the Thoth Tarot. What a crazy deck. This deck is NOT based on the traditional Rider-Waite model. It was created by Aleister Crowley. This deck is a Golden Dawn inspired deck. It's totally different from any deck I've used. I've still avoided using it to this day. I think I'm afraid of interpreting the cards. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because of the off-the-wall art work and symbolism. Perhaps it's because there is A LOT of information contained in one simple card and it becomes overwhelming. However, there are key words at the bottom of the cards like: Strife, Art, Lust, Futility etc. This probably makes it easier to interpret. This being said, I feel this deck is good for emotional readings, or metaphysical readings. I'm not saying it can't be used for your everyday "Am I going to find a job?" reading but I would use it for more intricate, in-depth readings.

Decks I want WILL HAVE:

The Victorian Romantic Tarot

The Cat's Eye Tarot

The Transparent Tarot

The Zodiac Tarot

I wonder what today will hold?!

2011-01-24T11:19:00.000-08:00

The Knight of Cups
Tarot of the Boroughs

Today I ended up going to work to study (the awesome part about working in a coffee shop). I'm off today and should be in class but I was running late, and couldn't get to class in time. So I find myself here, writing blogs and catching up on the tons of reading I must complete. So, on a break from reading I decided to pull a tarot card for today. The gentleman to the right is what I came up with: The Knight of Cups.

Who is this guy? ;) haha It could be a vibe card saying my day will be sweet, full of love and happiness. It could also be a nudge toward my flirtatious nature (especially with my old love interest peeking back into my life). I'm more likely to think it's referring to him than anything else because TYPICALLY when court cards show up, they're people. Sometimes I feel like they're general energies but yeah. I'm excited about this card anyway!

What else? OH! I think I found someone to take my kitties! The kittens will all have homes tomorrow :) I am so excited. It's heartbreaking at the same time though. So yeah.... How can I say goodbye to these faces and be happy about it? :( They're so adorable!!! But I have them in pictures so I'll be able to remember them. Now I just have to find a home for Migalo and Raja. But the universe seems to be falling into perfect place for me so I feel as if they'll be adopted soon too.

While we're on the subject of kitties: Has anyone heard of The Cat's Eye Tarot? It's not published YET but it should be soon. I am so excited about this deck! I am going to pre-order it as soon as it's available! It's a NON-anthropomorphic cat deck. Sorry, nothing against decks like Bohemian Cats but I don't like seeing cats as people. I enjoy real cats. I also think that having a tarot deck with cats in real life cat poses, situations and using real cat mannerisms, you can interpret the cards easily. This is especially true if you are closely connected with the animal and can observe them in their everyday environment.

So yeah. I'm very excited about that deck and everything that is going on right now in my life.
I'm going to post more so never fear! :)

I'm listening to Dane Cook and I am having a good day!

2011-01-21T10:34:00.000-08:00

Wheel of Fortune from
Tarot of the Boroughs.

WHEW! What a weird few days. It's easy to list what's been going on instead of making them into complete sentences:

* I got a tattoo and it's terrible. Basically it's a blue and purple teardropish shape (the size of 1 1/2 business cards) on the back of my neck. I'm upset and it sucks but I have a plan.
*My apartment complex called and asked me if I wanted to leave early. They said they can't promise anything, but they might have someone interested in my place before March. This will hasten my moving process but it's a blessing in disguise.
*I got a Tarot Reading from my good friend Sheri of Lunar Wisdom and everything looks like it's on the up and up. Some things I should be cautious of but I'm optimistic.
*My best friend Amandapearl2 has agreed to take my two kitties (Penny and Lucy) and foster them while I get on my feet. This means so much to me. She's pretty much saved me from a total nervous break down and kept two of my other best friends in my life :)
*I did a reading for myself today with my new Tarot of the Boroughs deck! and I got the WHEEL OF FORTUNE (seen to the left). So I've decided to make the best of this day and go out for a cocktail with some new friends I met recently. I feel like it's going to be a good time and encounter. So Woo hoo! I feel like life is generally getting better and better.

So now, let's talk about my tattoo. I've decided to get a Peacock on my back. This is going to epically beautiful. Here are some pictures I will be drawing inspiration from (and yes, it will be this big eventually):

I'm pretty sure the feathers are going to be on and near my neck and the peacock body will be on my middle back. It's going to be so pretty. Peacocks are regal, beautiful, self confident, and protective. It's my version of a Phoenix. This is my blossoming, rebirth, new me thing. I'm so confident this will be awesome. :) SO EXCITED!!!

13th Zodiac fiasco

2011-01-18T10:42:00.000-08:00

First things first: The "new" zodiac sign is NOT being added to the zodiac.

Let me explain.

There is an ASTRONOMER that has made this information go viral. However, the constellation "Ophiuchus" is not new news. In fact, it's a real constellation! But here's the rub: Astrology is not based on constellations. Confused?

Not actual photo of the ancients. They didn't have talk bubbles back then.

In ancient times the people of would notice trends in the behavior of people as individuals and people as a group. They noticed that most people born around a certain time seemed to act as peace keepers. They wanted everyone to be happy. They kept balance. So, to explain this they looked to the sky, saw what was going on and drew scales (or whatever sign they were observing) in the sky to "mark" that section of the sky so they knew when these children would be born. They made these observations and noticed there were 12 trends (what we now call the zodiac).

There are lots of of constellations out there and they can't all be zodiac signs. If Ophiuchus is a zodiac sign then we should have about 88 signs. But this is not how astrology works.

Astrology is defined as:

the study of the movements and relative positions of celestial bodies interpreted as having an influence on human affairs and the natural world.

Ancient observers of the heavens developed elaborate systems of explanation based on the movements of the sun, moon, and planets through the constellations of the zodiac, for predicting events and for casting horoscopes. By 1700 astrology had lost intellectual credibility in the West, but continued to have popular appeal. Modern astrology is based on that of the Greeks, but other systems are extant, notably those of China and India.Not to mention, an ASTRONOMER, is giving this information. Just because Astrology and Astronomy deal with the heavens (so to speak) doesn't mean they deal with it in the same way. Astrology is a science all on it's own. It is not and never will be Astronomy. Therefore, an Astronomers opinion of Astrology is just that, an opinion. It should not have any influence on Astrology at all.

The new guy is then rejected and has no friends.

Just Imagine (a poem by MoonlitOpal)

2011-01-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

Picture taken at my parents house of a sunset in 2005.

Just Imagine

Just imagine,

Close your eyes

Imagine a time and a place

Somewhere other than here

Think of someone

Hold her in your arms

You notice the gentle curves of her body

Smell her hair, her sweet perfume

Feel her touch

She's wearing her favorite lotion

Be quiet

Can you hear her breathing?

Her warm breath caresses your skin

Listen closely

Now you can hear her thoughts

She's thinking of you

Her smile sends shivers up your spine

You mistake it for the brisk fall breeze

Can you smell the leaves? the apples? the wind?

It rocks the two of you

lying in the hammock

She's cold

Hold her close

Don't let her go

She needs you

Put your head against hers

Let her know you care

Look

The sun is setting

Can you see the colors?

Pink, orange, blue and yellow

Look into her eyes

She's looking for a star

You can see into her soul

She's making a wish

Hold her hand

Wish on the same star

Pray that you'll be with her forever

Feel her squeezing your hand

She snuggles closer to you.

This must be love.

Just imagine

close your eyes and imagine.

Not feeling like a sexy goddess

2011-01-12T08:23:00.000-08:00

I'm waiting for one of my classes to start and I feel a little blue.

I planned on trying to feel pretty today. I put on my jeans, a burgundy tank under a black wrap sweater. I've worn this outfit before and it usually makes me feel sexy (mostly because my cleavage looks AWESOME in this outfit). But I went into the bathroom before class to take off my hoodie and I looked at my jeans and sweater. I frowned. I was NOT feeling sexy. Actually, I feel sexier with the hoodie on. So, I put the hoodie on, checked my reflection and shrugged. "Whatever. It's school. Not a fashion show." I thought to myself.

But the bigger thoughts going through my head were:
"Ew"
"These jeans are terrible"
"This shirt isn't long enough. People are going to see my spanx."
"I don't like the way this shirt hangs."
"These jeans accentuate all the wrong places."
Etc... Etc...

Me a few years ago, feeling sexy in that sweater. I was thinner then.

But I want to feel hot! I have a better idea for tomorrow but it's not very practical (given the frigid temps and the snow). I'll try to warm it up a little. We'll see.

I just don't feel like a goddess. I don't feel sexy. I don't feel needed or wanted. I feel like any guy in his right mind would pass me by. Most of the guys that think I'm pretty are gay. (Thank guys, but you know what I mean....).

I'm on my way to changing my lifestyle. I feel like the change in stress level, the addition of intellectual stimuli and the added walking around campus I'll slowly begin to see physical changes in myself. The trick is: How do you stay positive while the slow process is happening?

I decided to take the hoodie off and sit in class in my sweater. I won't be moving much, and who knows? Maybe I'll feel better eventually. But this is how I feel now:

Me, sitting in class writing this blog. Meh.

Sometimes things suck!

2011-01-07T09:54:00.000-08:00

So i said this blog was going to be more about me right? A little more personal? Well here ya go....

Sometimes things suck! I am currently getting a disillusionment (divorce) from my husband. I made a huge mistake in marrying him and I am excited to get my life moving forward. Now, let me be clear. I did not decide to get a divorce because my husband is a bad person. We were NOT compatible in ANY way and the chemistry was terrible. There was no reason to get married in the first place (basically).

So, when my husband decided to move out with his boss and said he'd help me pay the rent and some utilities, I believed him. I thought he was a genuinely good guy at heart. Well, it's Janurary 7, 2011 and Rent was due (at the latest) on January 5. The rent remains unpaid. I called him a few times (more than a few actually....) and he will not answer his phone, his texts or voicemails. I even started calling his job. No one will answer the phone. I just need to know what his intentions are. If he intends to NOT pay anything I'm F***ed first of all, but at least I could PREPARE. So I'm a little more than irritated. I'm pissed. I can't believe he would do that!

I don't know what to do/where to go from here. He won't even answer my texts! WTF!?

So yeah... I still believe this year is going to be awesome but let me be honest: TODAY SUCKS!

30DOM Day 06- Favorite Super Hero and Why

2011-01-07T09:47:00.000-08:00

Hmmm..... I'm not really a super hero kind of person. I don't read the comics and I've only seen a few movies about them. I'd have to say (based on the 1st movie) I really like Iron Man.

I really like Iron Man because he became Iron Man on purpose. Unlike Spiderman who lucked into it (and has serious mental issues lol). He is a genius that created military weapons for a living. Once he saw how his weapons were being used and who was using them, he changed his whole company and his purpose in life. Mainly: To kick bad guy ass.

I feel like Iron Man wants to be a superhero. He wants to do a good job and make the world a better place. Not only that, but he wants to correct the wrongs he made. I think that is inspiring. :)